Ma Proie
by Sour Schuyler
Summary: Finally, the fic I've been working on forever. Ryou gets a chance to babysit Mokuba Kaiba. But when they both have feelings for each other, what can come out of it? Hilarious. MokubaRyou FINALLY UPDATED AGAIN!
1. Default Chapter

Sour Schuyler's Confession: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh. This has been beta-read by sooooo many people, I don't even remember. One of them is Akio the Dragon Master. Also, thanks to Mecha Scorpion who helped with the newspaper headlines without knowing it.

ON

WITH

THE

FIC

_Crash! _Ryou was thrown against the wall roughly. He collapsed to the ground, a few of his ribs crushed. He gasped for breath, internally bleeding. A vehement Marik came up to him, his eyes laughing with the prospect of sticky blood painted all over the walls…

_Brrring!_

"Owch." Brown-eyed Ryou Bakura sat up, rubbing his sore bottom. He had fallen off of the couch onto the hardwood floor. "Darn it. …Oops! I almost cussed. That would've been bad."

You should've, came the voice from his Millennium Ring. You're such a goodie-goodie.

Ryou stifled a yawn and stood up. "Hush up…" All this time, the phone rang incessantly off the hook. Ryou glared at the hunk of officious plastic. "Shut up!!"

Are you talking to the phone? said an uncharacteristically concerned voice.

"No," lied Ryou blatantly. "Why, do you care?"

Well, it would be harder to torture you in an asylum. I'd have to find something unusual to stab you with, like an electric plug.

Ryou sighed. "I'm going Amish."

You do that.

With all his hopes of a quiet day dashed before they were even assembled, Ryou scratched his side and reached for the phone. "Hello?"

"Bakura." Ryou's eyes widened as Seto Kaiba's voice reached his ears.

"K… Kaiba?"

It's the prick! RUN!!

"Ha ha," Ryou laughed bitterly. "That's so funny I forgot to laugh."

You bet it's funny. Seto Kaiba's an idiot. No such thing as magic, my foot.

"You're foot's very transparent this time of year."

Well, yes. Yes it is. But it's like that all the time.

"What on Earth are you talking about?" Kaiba wondered gruffly.

"Eep! Um, nobody. Myself. No, actually, let's go with nobody. Oh, shoot. I meant nothing. There's nobody in my house but me." Ryou panicked.

"Okay…" Kaiba growled. "Now are you done being crazy?"

"Sure, I guess," Ryou offered. "Unless you want me to be crazi_er, _in which case I know a great recipe for green elephant soup."

"…Do you have a job?" Kaiba said spontaneously. "Or even friends?"

"Um, no and maybe, depending on the weather," Ryou answered.

"Mokuba has time off work this winter, but I don't want him by himself. Do you think you could nanny him?" Kaiba asked, ignoring Ryou's quirks.

"Sure, if you promise never to say the word _'nanny' _again. Ryou wrinkled his nose in disgust.

"Funny, I thought is suited you," came the reply from both Seto and the other Ryou.

"Oh, shut up."

"Hmp. Anyway, do you want to or not? Ryou?"

"…" Ryou stared out the window and across the street, his face burning with embarrassment. "Um… Love to. From what time to what time?"

"Can you _'baby sit' _Mokuba from ten to six on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?" Kaiba demanded.

"What!??!" Ryou cried. "I didn't think you were serious. Why on Earth would you let _me _baby-sit Mokuba?"

Is it your butt?

""

Fine, fine, be dubious, but that's the reason Miho always wants you to tutor you. I know for a fact that's why.

""

Ok, ok, I'll drop it if it makes you happy.

Kaiba sighed. "Look, I'm a busy person."

"I understand," Ryou said apologetically. "I'm sorry for being so rude."

Kaiba snorted, "Hmp. Can you or can't you? Are so you so callow that you don't know SOFA?"

"Callow?" Ryou piped up. "What on Earth does _that _mean?"

He's making up words, Ryou. Let me take care of this. Now where did I leave my taser?

"Get yourself a few decent thesauri and figure it out for yourself."

"Before or after I look after Mokuba?" Ryou cried.

"It doesn't matter, genius." Kaiba snarled at him over the phone. Ryou shivered. Seto Kaiba to him was like a corporate demon. At least with his other self, he could somewhat communicate with him on a casual level, but with the infamous Seto Kaiba, the rich CEO of Kaiba Corporation, he just felt so tiny, and incredibly outclassed.

"Ok," Ryou placated. "So, when do you want me to come over then?"

"Didn't you here me?" Kaiba said. "Sometime before ten."

"You never said that!"

"But I implied it."

"What?? And how am I supposed to guess that?"

You're getting stupider by the day. It's those cronies that you hang out with. Or that you _wished _you hung out with, anyway.

"Oh shut up, you twit," Ryou growled. To say that the spirit was flustered was an understatement. He was livid, but quickly filed his anger away to be used against Ryou later.

Bakura and Ryou had come to an understanding. If Ryou would eventually work towards the goals that his other self desired, then Bakura promised not be beat the snot out of Ryou every week. But having Ryou backtalk was not something the virulent spirit could allow.

Kaiba, however, was also angered. The CEO's voice took on a tone of steel that Ryou didn't like very much. _"What, _did you just say to me?" he menaced.

Ryou gulped. "I… I didn't… I wasn't talking… to you, Kaiba, I swear."

"You better not have been," Kaiba growled dangerously. Ryou gulped.

"I didn't."

"Good. Let me get one thing straight. I don't like you, but you still have to be here at 9:30."

"K."

"K. See ya."

"See ya." Kaiba hung up, so Ryou felt safe adding, "You psycho."

You can insult him better than that, can't you?

"Kaiba is a potty psychopathic jerk who deserves to have a normal lifestyle crammed up his butt," Ryou spat. And then: "I can't believe he called at 11 at night!"

Dear me. And I bet he also made you walk to school barefoot… in the slush… and the rain…

"A-hole."

There you go.

Kaiba hung up the phone, semi-disgruntled that it had worked. He had seriously doubted that Ryou was brave enough to even talk to him on the phone for five minutes, yet he had lasted. The idiot _had _sounded like he was having a panic attack, though. Honestly, he wasn't like the spirit of the Millennium Ring at all.

"Seto?" Mokuba entered the room. Kaiba flushed, knowing that he had hung up just in time.

"What is it?" Kaiba nagged, trying to sound as if he was annoyed. He became aware of the sullen presence of his little brother behind him, and decided not to turn around, afraid that Mokuba would read something in his eyes. Mokuba mumbled, and continued mumbling. Something about a party at Yugi's tomorrow.

"Absolutely not."

"I thought it would be easier than replacing Christine by tomorrow," Mokuba offered. "You do know that she quit, right?"

"Right," Kaiba said. "Did you come here to tell my why?"

Mokuba looked thoughtful. "Umm… Actually, no, but she said that our big house was spooky and that it really creeped her out. I think she just wanted to spend more time with her boyfriend around Christmas." Mokuba hoped his brother would get the hint; that he wanted to spend more time around him this Christmas as well… "I'm just wondering who will look after me tomorrow."

"Who would you like to look after you?" Kaiba asked.

"R…R…Um," Mokuba looked shyly at the ground, "Ryou Bakura?"

"Don't you think that he will be at the party as well?" Seto interrogated.

Mokuba shook his head. "That loser? I doubt it."

"With Tea's grasp on all of her friends, I'll bet she helped Yugi coordinate the date just so everybody could come," Kaiba continued to tease.

"…Seto, I seriously doubt that Tea will have invited him," Mokuba said in a monotone. Seto blinked, slightly taken aback. What made Mokuba so sure about that? He already knew that Ryou was able to baby-sit, but how did Mokuba know?

"…You're willing to bet money on that?" Kaiba asked. "That Tea didn't invite him?"

"Sure."

"Ok, I'll call him," Kaiba submitted.

"Woot!" Mokuba cheered quietly.

"What did you just say?" Kaiba inquired incredulously.

Mokuba sweat dropped. "Um, woot?"

"Now I know you're crazy!" Kaiba exclaimed. "Go to bed."

"Kay! Oyasumi nii-sama."

"Oyasumi Mokuba."

Mokuba ran down the hallway happily. He was perfectly aware that Seto was _unaware _that Mokuba had just gotten something he had wanted a lot more than the party. 5 minutes of fast running later, Mokuba finally reached his bedroom, huffing and puffing. Mokuba's bedroom was, in comparison to Seto's home office, just down the hall. Waaaaaaaaaay down the hall.

"I have got to move my room closer to the rest of the house," Mokuba gasped. "The rest of the _world, _too."

Whistling to 'This Is The Story Of A Girl,' Mokuba changed into emollient black silk pajamas. After he did this, a gruff voice came over the intercom.

"You going to bed yet, kiddo?" asked Seto.

"Not yet Seto!" Mokuba all but chirped. "Just give me ten more minutes."

"Mokuba…"

"I know, I know, I'll go to bed in ten minutes, nii-sama."

"K. Goodnight, Mokuba. Love you."

"Love you too Seto." Mokuba plopped down on his bed and took out some sewing materials. Mokuba had taken up sewing when he had a nanny that was afraid of needles. (Clowns, as well, but that's a different story. It was pretty funny when she met Duke's dad, though.) Since then little Mokuba always had some kind of project going on. He would work on them on those rainy days when he didn't feel like doing much.

On the shelf above the younger Kaiba's bed, next to the teddy bear given to him by his pen pal Rebecca, was his favorite _ningyo (doll) _of all: his self-made Seto plushie. It even had real hair.

Mokuba took out his nearly complete Ryou plushie and started working on it with nimble fingers.

"I'm gonna finish this tonight… OW! I stabbed myself!"

The Next Morning…

Beep beep beep beep!

"BWAHAHA!"

"…" Ryou looked at the damage done in his room, dressed in nothing but white boxers with red hearts on them. And he knew. Yes, oh yes, he knew. Somewhere out there, a girl named Danielle was drooling over him. "Uh, mou hitori no boku, er, sama, did you send my alarm clock to the Shadow Realm?" Ryou said inquisitively.

Yes.

"Ah. Okay." Ryou scratched himself behind the head, wondering just how much money he spent on replacing alarm clocks every week. He reached for his closet door, to pick out whatever clothes he was wearing today. It was then he remembered.

He'd agreed.

To

Baby-sit

Mokuba.

And somewhere along the line, he'd also assured Kaiba that he knew something called SOFA, which he assumed wasn't a couch.

And behind him somewhere, Johnny Depp's voice said, "Don't do anything... _stupid..."_

"Mou hitori no boku, that's the worst imitation I ever heard."

Sorry.

Ryou sighed, as he realized that choosing his clothing was going to take him forever. He opened up his closet and starting carting out whatever outfits he thought looked good.

"But why would he choose me? I'm not exactly very gregarious, you take care of that." Ryou said nonchalantly, taking off his boxers.

What kind of a spirit would I be if I actually let you have fun?

"A much better one," Ryou vouched, crumpling his jacket into a ball.

I'd been like the Pharaoh!

"Yes, a much better spirit," Ryou reiterated.

But... the Pharaoh!!

"Is much better."

... The spirit of the Millennium Ring took some time to let this sink in. And then he made a swift decision concerning his weaker self.

You suck.

"Thank you. I try," Ryou informed him. The gentle Brit happened to look outside.

It was storming out. Thunder and lightning made the roads inaccessible and a leisurely walk a possible suicide. Luckily for Ryou this storm was in Afghanistan, so he could still walk to Mokuba's. :)

Now, one of the girlier things about Ryou was that he could never, ever pick out what to wear. At 8:30 AM the following morning, he was trying on clothes. _Lots _of clothes.

So you're actually going to go through with this? the spirit of the Millennium Ring demanded disdainfully. He floated in ectoplasm behind his lesser self, watching as Ryou changed his scarf in front of a full-length mirror. A.N: To quote a friend… "Sexy.

"Yep." Ryou's decision was swift in determining that the blue scarf, while quite cute, was waaaaaaay too itchy, and therefore he removed it.

Dressing to impress?

"Yep."

Why?

"Well—"Ryou cut his own sentence short when he looked up to examine a rather lovely red sweater that Amane had sent him. However, it didn't go with anything else he owned, and it was too warm to wear it anyway, even though it had snowed the night before. He continued in a curt British accent, "Well, this _is _the rich and powerful Seto Kaiba – and his brother – that we're talking about."

Correction: You're talking; I'm technically transmitting my thoughts telepathically.

"Is that so? Well you don't seem to be having very many of them," Ryou confessed.

WHAM!

Ryou clutched his forehead. "Bloody heck--!! What did you do that for, spirit!?"

To fix your impudence. That's _seishin-sama _to you, ratfink.

"Are you sure you're not just violently overindulgent?" Ryou rebelled rashly.

WHAM!

Some people just never learn.

Ryou luckily came to five minutes later, his head throbbing painfully. He wordlessly pushed himself to his feet and gave himself one final run-through in the mirror.

Ryou was wearing his Battle City outfit. A quite beautiful golden cashmere scarf that his mother had bought him replaced his jacket. He looked gorgeous. . His hair wasn't picture-perfect, but it did not appear messy and as such, it was fine.

"…" Ryou sighed sadly, tempted to once again dismantle his whole outfit.

Just go! Your clothes look fine. You're just an idling idiot.

"But…"

Just go! the darker presence in Ryou snapped angrily.

"All right all right! I'm going!" Ryou grabbed his school pack and ran out the door.

Ryou was halfway there by now. It was here that the other Ryou decided to say something.

"Why did you bring your school stuff?" the spirit wanted to know. Well, that's _almost _what he said. Replace 'stuff' with a four-letter word and you've got a direct quote. And no, the four-letter word was not 'love'.

"Just in case I've got a spot of spare time to do my assignments," Ryou explained. "Ms. Jono gave us a lot of lessons to complete this weekend because of Joey's tap dancing."

o.o;; Uh, come again?

"You heard me." Ryou smiled. "He's a fantastic dancer, too."

I don't want to know.

"You know you do." Ryou sent the flashback drifting back towards his other self, who viewed it reluctantly.

_Once upon a time there was an idiot._

_"Hey! Yugi! Ms. Jono isn't here and I'm gonna tap dance on her desk!" Joey grinned like an idiot… because he was an idiot._

_Yugi sweat dropped. "I wouldn't do that Joey. You could get in biiiiig trouble, and then I would be thrown into it just because I'm your best friend and Ms. Jono assumes that we plot against her together."_

_"Nah! That won't happen!" Joey jumped up on the teacher's desk and started tap dancing. The other students couldn't refrain from cheering him on when they saw Joseph's beautiful dance routine. They cheered and cheered, like in some soppy fairy tale. Just then the despicable Ms. Jono came into her classroom to see Joey dancing on her desk. Not only that, but he had knocked over and shattered her teacher of the year coffee mug._

_"WHEELER!!!!!!!!"_

"And that's why I have so much homework," Ryou explained. "I suppose that I should be mad at Joe, but it _was _really funny."

You'll be too busy staring at Kaiba's little brother to do your homework and you know it, baka.

Ryou blushed. It was no secret to his darker self that he was sweet on the shaggy-haired, silver-eyed Kaiba. He admired the everlasting faith that Mokuba put into those he looked up to as luminaries, faith which had never been put into Ryou by anyone except for his little sister… until the incidents started happening, and Ryou was sent away to Japan. Now Ryou doubted it his own mother trusted him wholeheartedly. It was his curse to bear the Millennium Ring, but Ryou would rather have him be the victim of the twisted spirit's rages, rather than letting anybody else have to suffer. He wouldn't be able to ever live with himself if somebody else happened upon the "Ring of Wisdom", as the _seishin (spirit) _was so fond of calling it, and kept it. Ryou would never sleep at night, knowing that someone else out there was being mentally battered in the day and physically bruised in the night.

But Mokuba, Ryou thought, if he could just become great friends with Mokuba, then he would have somebody who would put their complete faith in him. And that was all Ryou ever really wanted, really. Then again, Mokuba was only twelve years old, and that age gap made any dulcet relationship sick and wrong… Alors, cute little Mokuba was inaccessible. That was probably for the best, however, since Ryou didn't exactly having any homosexual buddies he could relate with.

My host also doesn't know any child molesters that he could get in touch with, mou hitori no Ryou, or "the other Ryou", pointed out. He did very well to keep the sarcasm out of his "voice". Maybe you should send a fan letter to Michael Jackson.

Let me introduce you to me good friend, Harvey—I mean Tabitha. Tabitha is 15, and is one of Miho Nosaka's less preppy friends. She also harbors finicky crushes on Yugi and Ryou. She is blonde and had green eyes. She also has very poofy hair. :) This is what she, as a girl in Ryou's art class, witnessed as she walked past Ryou at this very point, as well as a few of her thoughts.

'Hey, it's Ryou! I kind of like him… I'll say hi. Maybe he'll ask me out!' "Hi, Ryou!"

"Now you shut up," Ryou demanded tartly of a seemingly non-officious parking meter. "Just because I think that way doesn't mean I have to start idolizing Michael Jackson."

"oO;;; Uh, Ryou?"

"And furthermore --- don't you get smart with me!! And furthermore, you're sick in the head if you think that I'm going to do that. That's not why I took the job. No, sick is NOT a compliment!

"By the way, do you think that's a new flower shop across the street? I've never seen it before."

'Ok… That's strange,' Tabitha thought, a large, dark blue sweat drop trembling on the back of her dirty blonde head. Oh, sorry – that was the color of her hair, you see. It was very clean, I assure thee. . And shiny.

Unfortunately for this previously sane girl, the weirdest was yet to come --- and then it came, and then it went. Because just then, Ryou stopped talking to the parking meter and fell silent, as if _the parking meter was replying to his cogent outburst._

After awhile, the bishie nodded. "Yeah, you're right. It is new." A tick mark suddenly appeared on his forehead. "No, I don't think they sell swords there, you retard. Oops, yeah, I'm sorry."

"oO;; Oook… I'll be going now." Tabitha did an about-face and strode quickly out of the area. On her way she bumped into little Yugi. Cute, little innocuous Yugi-sama. Wonderful, cute little _normal _(relatively) Yugi-sama…

' Yugiii! Yay.' "Hi Yugi!"

The short duelist turned around, an amiable smile lighting up his face. "Oh, hi, Tabitha!" he greeted gregariously. "How are--- WHAT? No, I don't think Tea actually has a sugar daddy. Joey just made that up. And Mai DEFINITELY does not have one, and if she did, it WOULDN'T BE PEGASUS! What _is _it with you and prossies?! You and all of your sinful black leather. SHAMEFUL! SHAMEFUL I TELL THEE!"

Yugi scoffed, scowled, and skipped a heartbeat as he realized that Tabitha was still listening. "Uhh… bye!" Yugi bumbled off. He only got a few feet, though, before he started screaming, "NOA KAIBA IS NOT A FRENCH MAID!! ARRRRRRG!"

Tabitha then transferred to a new school. She likes it there. :)

Ryou burst into the _Hanaya _(flower shop). His nose was immediately offended by the only too aromatic flowers. The place was stuffed with them --- there was barely enough room to walk without brushing your ankles against some form of shrubbery. Ryou panted for breath in the musty air. The place was so humid…

"See? Do you see?" Ryou prompted pompously. "There are no swords being sold here!"

As if on cue, a rough voice rang out: "Arrr! If it swords you be wantin', swords we be sellin' ya. Ain't that right, Checkers?"

"SQUAWK! Swords we be sellin' ya."

"Arr, how cute."

Ryou stares in total shock at the real, live pirate in front of him. And then at the parrot. Oh my good gracious, the parrot was…

"SUMIMASEN! (excuse me)" Ryou scrambled out of there.

I told you they sell swords.

Malik Ishtar was busy playing with the neat little pencils on the counter when Ryou came in. There was a newspaper rack standing right next to the counter. Some of the more curious headlines were:

MECHA SCORPION PLANS TO BLOW UP THE MOON!

M. ROSHI CLAIMS THAT MOON HAS ALREADY BEEN DESTROYED!

KAIBACORP MAKES A DEAL WITH KANE LIN!

HILARY DUFF ACTS "MATURE"!

MAN WITH TURBAN WALKS THROUGH WALLS!

THE BEST THING SINCE DRAMAMINE STEW IS TYLENOL!

BUSH SUCKS! (the democratic paper)

KERRY SUCKS! (the republican paper)

BOTH BUSH AND KERRY SUCK BUT WE GOTTA FIGURE OUT WHO WE WOULD VOTE FOR! (the independent paper)

WHY THE HECK ARE WE TALKING ABOUT AMERICAN POLITICS IN JAPAN?

MAI VALENTINE DOESN'T WEAR A BRA! (see the pictures!!)

CREATOR OF HIT CARD GAME CLAIMS TO BE STRAIGHT! PEOPLE LAUGH!

ZEBRA IS A TRASHMONKEY!

RESIDENT EVIL 4 A BIG HIT AMONG THE PACKRATS!

JEANS GIVE PEOPLE RASHES!

VIDEO GAMES CAUSE VIOENCE!

CHARLES MANSON LIKES FLOWERS!

MY SKEITH ATE ALL MY NEOPOINTS!

"THESE THINGS ARE MY BAG BABY"

THE NOKIA N-GAGE SUCKS!

YOUR MOM!

THE GARGOYLES ARE ALIVE!

RELIGION IS FAKE!

MY INNER DEMONS HATE RUBBER CHICKEN!

CAPTAIN CRUNCH KILLS COUNT CHOCOLA!

INUYASHA GETS "SIT'D"!

AN INVISIBLE MAN LIVES IN THE SKY!

XL T-SHIRTS MAKE THE LADY DOWN THE STREET LOOK EVEN FATTER!

THE OVERUSE OF EXCLAMATION POINTS AND WHAT WE CAN DO ABOUT IT!

There were also many, many other newspaper titles. ;)

The tiny bells rang as the door swung open. Ryou Bakura entered, looking a little nervous. "Uh, Malik?" Ryou fumbled with his jacket nervously.

"Yeah?" Malik looked up. "What's up?"

Ryou had been staying in Malik's apartment for the past week. Ryou had just had his apartment painted, and it had to be aired out, or else he would get high and stuff would happen. :) Anyway, this was all good, as Malik was Ryou's best friend and all.

"I need the key," Ryou said. "I have to go to Kaiba's and look after Mokuba."

"Oh." Malik tossed him one. "Here."

"'Kay, thanks…" Ryou gave him an odd look. "What's with all these newspapers? I thought this was a pet shop."

"It makes good kitty litter," Malik explained, adding: "For the people who don't want to buy the more expensive kinds."

"Oh…" Ryou frowned. "Well, can I have the one about Inuyasha?"

"Sure." Malik handed him one. "That'll be $5."

" Never mind then…"

"Well, that was a fun walk," Ryou lied. "And here I am, standing here, afraid to go in because Kaiba's in there."

Kaiba's a weenie.

"He can throw Joey five feet."

A _big _weenie. Like in that Eminem song, which, obviously, is called 'Big Weenie'. :D

"I don't even want to know how you know that," Ryou said. He was standing in front of the Kaiba Winter House. It was shaped like an L, which two huge yards stretching from either side of it.

"…"

Go ahead, open the door stupid.

"'Kay…" Ryou reached for the doorknob and did just that.


	2. A Funny Way To Start Off Your Morning

Ma Proie

Chapter 2

A Funny Way to Start Off Your Morning

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh (Kazuki Takahashi), the love song from "Titanic", Pok'emon, or any other stuff that I don't own. I own the plot, I own the scenes, I OWN THE CUTENESS! HYA! (pumps fist) Bow before me and review! GENUFLECT, I SAY! …Ok, maybe I should let you read now. (Ryou: That would be best.) Shut up.

Note: **_In the last chapter, I mentioned days and times for Ryou baby-sitting Mokuba. Well, just forget it. That's right. Scratch that. I never really took those into account while I was writing this or any of the other chapters, and I actually inserted that into Chapter 1 at the last second. Henceforth, all you need to know is that Ryou is baby-sitting Mokuba. Who cares when? Who cares when he gets to go home? And who the heck cares about Britney Spears' breasts enough to interview her about them on the news? By the way, Britney Spears applauds you, Lohan. Hm, Lohan, sounds like Rohan… Legolas, sounds like Pegasus… what was I doing again? Oh yah. Mokuba. Ryou. Cuteness. Waff. - (The authoress claims no responsibility for any cults formed within the time frame of the posting of the first chapter and the posting of this one. She also swears she didn't eat pizza, but nobody believes her.)_**

_"Mokuba," _Ryou whispered. He leaned on his tippy-toes over the sleeping boy. Ryou was standing in the middle of Mokuba's bedroom, regarding the youngest Kaiba adoringly. He wished he could just watch him sleep for awhile…

/I never imagined that such a rich guy would have such a frilly bed./

"You shut up."  
/And it's only a twin, too. I would've thought the hyper brat would roll around in his sleep./

"Whatever…

"_Mokuba…" _Ryou, again, tried to wake him up.

"Every night in mind dreams, I see you, I feeeeeeel you!" Mokuba sang quietly in his sleep, hugging his pillow as if it was a large teddy bear.

Ryou stepped back, a rather large blue sweat drop clinging to the back of his head. _"That was weird,"_ he opted to voice aloud, hopeful that maybe Mokuba would hear him and wake up… although Mokuba _did _look really cute as he slept. The petite preteen's dark hair fell in front of his face, shading his eyes and giving him a zebra effect. His beautiful silver eyes were closed in quiet repose, and he breathed slowly, his chest rising and falling and… what was Ryou doing? Ryou blinked and shook his head. Mokuba still hadn't woken up.

"I'll just… forget that I was staring at him," Ryou muttered to himself. _"Oh, Mokubaaa… Get out of bed you little shit!" _Ryou said sweetly.

"Hmmmm?" Mokuba hummed in his sleep, letting out a yawn. "Just five more minutes, mommy…"

"I hate to be the one to break this to you, Mokuba, but your mother is and has been dead for several years. These things happen, though, and with a little therapy – ok, a lot of therapy, we can fix you up good as new."

/Death is fun. Trust me, I should know. I've tried it./

"Er…"

/Multiple times, too. Maybe you could try it with me sometime/ mou hitori no Bakura offered hopefully. Ryou rolled his eyes, regarding the comment with distaste. "I'm going to ignore that..."

/Fine, suit yourself. But therapy is fun too. Remember that time I set your psychologist on fire.../ Ryou sweat dropped.

"Is _that _what happened...I didn't remember a thing… ah, ok, it all makes sense now. That might be why he called me a Nazi."

/Heck yeah. That was AWESOME! You would look pretty cool with a swastika on your back. Like Malik's tattoo on his back, only I couldn't reach back there to do it. Maybe Malik or Odion would do it for you, but I doubt they would./

Ryou face faulted. "Oh... That's just a shame..."

Mokuba stuck his tongue out at him in his sleep. "Nyaah… Shut up, Set-oh!" Mokuba 'oofed' as he fell off of the bed. Then the little Kaiba seemingly deflated as he sighed and then started snoring all over again.

Ryou, despite the vow he had made two seconds ago, stopped and stared blankly at the lackadaisical preteen collapsed on the floor. And stared. And wondered if he could choose Mokuba as a subject for his still-life project in art class. He certainly wasn't moving very much.

Ryou then reached for a toy light saber that was conveniently lying around after being dropped off by the Plot Hole Fairy. Jedi Ryou then tentatively reached out and poked Mokuba with the toy in the cheek. The younger boy didn't even stir.

Ryou sighed exasperatedly. "This is getting ridiculous."

/So curse about it./

"No." Ryou marched right up to the semi-conscious, adorable boy and yelled right in his ear: "MOKUBA! GET THE HECK UP!"

Mokuba wrapped himself around Ryou's leg. "Five more minutes I said… Shut up Seto… You stupid… Zzzz…"

"O.O Ummm…"

/Well, this is different/ the other Ryou mused. /So what do you do when the child molests the pedophile/

"I'M NOT A CHILD MOLESTOR!" Ryou screamed, throwing a pillow at the wall where his more demonic self was located in ghostly form.

"I should hope not."

The voice was steely, precise, and militating. Ryou's blood ran cold and he stayed very, very still, only moving his head slowly from side to side in an attempt to locate the source of the stentorian _evil. _That evil was known as Seto Kaiba. Ryou could tell because he could hear coffee (as far as the CEO was concerned, the fluid of life) percolating in the background. A/N: My dad is laughing at me right now.

"Uhh…"

"You do know that you sound rather unintelligent when you do that," Kaiba stated from over the intercom. Ryou sweat dropped.

"I know," the dispirited boy admitted. "It's a… bad habit of mine."

"Well," Kaiba's voice commanded swiftly, "I want you to get rid of it."

"Uhhh…"

/He he he. Stupid./

Ryou could hear Kaiba smack himself across the face. "Oi. Look, I just wanted to tell you to press the button on his alarm clock."

"Oh… Arigatou gozaimasu. But, which one, Kaiba-sama?" Ryou curiously inspected Mokuba's alarm clock. He couldn't tell what color it was, because it had been wrapped with denim fabric (quite creatively) and it had holes for all of the little buttons, and another hole to display the time. The numbers 11:01 shone brightly on the clock's dark surface.

"Did he make that himself?" Ryou asked softly. "Wow, that's neat."

/Who cares/ the other Ryou demanded.

"Oh, you shut up."

"What did you say to me?" Kaiba demanded gruffly.

"Eep! Nothing."

Kaiba sighed. "I'm sorry; bad morning. The person I sent out to get donuts brought me back the wrong kind, and I have a meeting today with people I don't care about. Just press the blue button and he'll wake up. Then feed him breakfast and do whatever you want until 4. I have to go to that meeting I spoke about, but at 12 I'll be back and working in the home office… but I'm there if you need anything. My office is right next to the den."

"Gotcha," Ryou confirmed. "Alright, so I press the blue one—"

"Yes, and oh, and beware the doomsday device," Kaiba soothsaid before promptly turning the intercom "off".

"What?" Ryou yelped in bewilderment. As the white-haired boy's fingers literally _brushed _against the desired button, bells rattled and sirens wailed. "Warning," a stentorian woman's voice warned. "Self-destruction sequence activated."

The noise was so loud that the entire hallway rumbled from the alarm clocks thunder. Ryou flew back into the wall. "Woof!"

/Woof/

"Don't ask," Ryou informed, sweat dropping about fifteen times at the sight of the destruction going on before him. And all of this noise was _before _Mokuba woke up and started screaming.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" Mokuba screamed, slapping the alarm clock with both hands. Apparently it wasn't as easy to turn off as it was the opposite, Ryou noticed.

The younger Kaiba brother looked like a baker trying to flatten a lump of dough, because just as a baker uses a rolling pin to flatten out dough and the larynxes of different breeds of squirrels, so Mokuba was using his hands now. Never trust a bakery, kids, or Homeric similes, for they shall smite thee.

_"Mokuba!" _Ryou cried. _"Leave that squirrel alone!" _Ryou ran slowly, cueing the cheesy action scene as Ryou ran slowly towards Mokuba and forced the poor animal out of his grip. The alarm then went off.

"….Hi," Ryou said. And then: "So who is this?" Ryou held up the squirrel by the scruff of his neck.

"That's Furk," Mokuba told him. Mokuba titled his head, looking at Ryou curiously with ferrous silver eyes. "He's a flying squirrel."

"…Furk," said Ryou doubtfully. Mokuba nodded, never taking his eyes off of Ryou.

"That's right; Furk."

"Furk?"

"Furk."

"Furk… That's similar to another four-letter word…"

"I said it was Furk!" Mokuba snapped. The silver-eyed boy than came to the shocking realization that Ryou Bakura was in his room. "AAAAH!"

"What?" asked Ryou.

"GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!" Mokuba screamed stridently. He shoved Ryou into the hallway, looking absolutely horrified.

"Aww! But you look so cute in your silk jammies!" Ryou shouted, his teasing way of vociferating the sudden ejection. Mokuba shouts were only muffled slightly by the thick wooden door that he had slammed in Ryou's face, and the pale British boy could hear Mokuba call him a jerk quite clearly. Ryou looked down at the flying squirrel, who was still cradled in his hands.

"He's so cute," he confided, caressing Furk's ears. Furk chittered in response.

1-1-1

"How do you like your cereal, Mokuba?" Ryou asked, poking around the dusty cabinet with his pointer finger. The boxes looked like they were past their expiration date, but Mokuba had informed him that that was the cereal cabinet. Ryou wondered just how often the Kaibas _ate _cereal.

"Saignante, monsieur," Mokuba said. He was watching Ryou trying to locate a box of cereal that was not past its expiration date. Mokuba wondered if they even had any.

"Ha ha!" Ryou laughed bitterly. "Nice try, but I take French class at high school."

"Where else would you take it?" Mokuba wondered.

Ryou sweat dropped and pondered this for a moment. "…I don't know. Anyway, so yeah. If you want your cereal like that you're going to have to talk to my Millennium Ring about it."

Mokuba's eyebrows raised, and his large silver eyes flicker in surprise. His Millennium Ring? Did he mean the spirit inside of it? He probably did… Mokuba shrugged.

"Ah ben. Je n'soignerais pas. Peut-être t'oublieras."

Ryou sweat dropped. "Uhh… yes?" Mokuba smiled.

/You're an idiot./

"Well you don't have to be so smirky about it!" Ryou brooded. Mokuba immediately apologized. "N-No, not you… you're always very sweet."

"Huh?" Mokuba's eyes widened.

"Uhh, nothing," Ryou lied. Mokuba's face fell.

"Oh."

_Maybe I'm just hearing things…_

/Smooth/ the other Ryou mused. Ryou winced in embarrassment.

"So how do you like your cereal…?" Ryou inquired again.

"Bleeding…"

"Gotcha." Ryou turned to fish through the refrigerator for milk that wasn't expired. Did these people _ever _eat?

"You don't like your milk warm do you?" Ryou asked. "My sister likes warm milk."

/Your sister is such a moron./

"My sister is not a moron!" Ryou argued.

Mokuba yawned cutely. "I never said she was, Ryou-sama."

The older boy visibly winced. "Don't call me that."

"Okay." Mokuba cradled his hand in his palm and smiled, admiring Ryou as he glared down the forsaken refrigerator. He was over the whole waking-up incident, and feeling a lot more awake, too. Henceforth, he was a lot more aware of the situation that was becoming increasingly uncomfortable, at least for him. He tensed up, finding it hard to relax.

Ryou Bakura was in his house.

How much of a miracle was that? Ryou Bakura was his _baby-sitter, _and he'd be seeing him nearly every day for quite some while! Yahoo!

Or at least, you'd think that is what Mokuba would be thinking.

Of course, this wasn't all fun and games for little Mokuba. The poor boy was nearly driven over the edge with questions. How should he act? What should he say? If a tree falls in the middle of the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?

"I have a very sweet little sister," Ryou was saying, "but she's kind of quirky."

"Oh."

_How much time does Ryou spend washing his hair? I wonder…_

Meanwhile the awkward silence that had settled abruptly over them was causing Ryou to itch all over. "I'll just get you the milk then… Uh…"

"Miruku ja nai," Mokuba remembered.

Ryou fell over. "Why didn't you tell me you didn't have milk!"

"I just remembered," Mokuba admitted. He turned around and snickered loudly before turning back to face Ryou with a sad puppy face. "Sorry."

"No, no, that's okay." Ryou stood up, full of contempt for the dairy services of Japan. When he shut the fridge, the little light inside turned off, and the frozen turkeys and packs of Dr. Pepper waited patiently in the grayness.

1-1-1

"Bakura," Mokuba spoke, reluctant to break the uncomfortable silence. He had been staring at his new sitter for the past 15 minutes, not including the 20 minutes it had taken them to walk to his room. The vice-president of KaibaCorp really supposed that he ought to move it a little closer to the office, but he was all settled in already. Besides, that, he really liked the view from his window.

The view outside _this _window was a wide, open plain. The side-yard was covered in a lithe layer of pristine flakes. When Mokuba had been younger, and him and his nii-sama still lived at the orphanage, he would try to count the snowflakes. Even though he knew it was futile, Seto would try and help him, too. They would have so much fun…

The white plain was a nice change from the view outside of his regular window. Outside of the clean glass, huge oak trees could be seen swirling. The leaves brushed up against Mokuba's window, creating a near wall. The trees were huge, and their sturdy, leafy branches were entwined, so that Mokuba could climb out the window and go romp around the entire yard, come back, and never touch the ground. When he had been younger, he had just _loved _doing that. And while he still did, Seto thought it was very foolish of him.

Mokuba hated to admit that his precious nii-sama had changed growing up, and it was all because of Gozaburo. This had given Mokuba the impression that growing up sucked. …Well, he was right about that, actually, but _Ryou _could act like such a child… That was probably why Mokuba liked him so much. Ryou and Seto were near polar opposites.

Anyway, for all the wonderful outside views in the world, Mokuba thought the view _inside _his bedroom was pretty breathtaking, too. Ryou' chocolate eyes danced as he held the sleek, black Xbox controller in his palm, skirring it with him hands. Furk was up on his hind legs, sniffing Ryou's hands, and it was easy to see that a giggle lurked just beyond Ryou's slightly trembling lips. Ryou could make Mokuba's face flush just by being there. (This is arguably why Mokuba was sitting on the dresser; other theories include that Ryou had bad breath.)

"Bakura." Mokuba said it louder this time, unsure if his previous sentence had sufficiently drawn the distracted sitter's attention. He also added a bit of a stern tint to his voice, though that was unintentional and came from years of living with the infamously militative Seto Kaiba.

"Oh, sorry," Ryou apologized in a lavish British accent. "Your squirrel's very cute." For a moment, Ryou didn't regard Mokuba, as he was too busy scratching the area behind Furk's ear. But then Ryou looked up and smiled dazzlingly at Mokuba. His face positively glowed as he set down the Xbox control and picked up Furk. "What is it, Mokuba?"

"Do you… oh crap."

"Huh?" Ryou blinked in surprise, and then regarded Mokuba a bit more closely with shiny, glassy brown eyes

Mokuba's poor mind was racing.

_What do I do? What am I even supposed to frickin' _say? _Why do I have zero social skills when I'm around him?_

_…Oh, wait. I always have social zero skills._

_Sometimes I wished I hated everyone like Seto. I bet he doesn't have to worry about this… in fact, I'm sure of it._

_…Hell, Seto doesn't care about _anything! _–Except Kisara, his dueling deck, being #1, the company, and me. 0,0 That's a pretty narrow list._

"Uh… Um…" Poor Mokuba was left in quandary. The vice-prez frantically looked around his room for something to talk about. He saw an old picture of his step-brother, and a feasible idea sparked.

"Do you ever think about the virtual world?" Mokuba said in a nebulous voice. Ryou's smile fell, and he blinked owlishly at Mokuba (which was so cute, you must admit, that Mokuba blushed terribly and looked like a cherry, but Ryou thought he was just embarrassed) quite a few times before opening his mouth to speak, his hand still doing 50 mph behind Furk's ear all the while.

Ryou sweat dropped. "I wasn't there… I was passed out on the blimp," Ryou pointed out. "But I've heard very little about it. Why don't you fill me in on the subject? We have a large amount of time."

Mokuba gave a sideways glance towards Noah's picture. 'Thank you, Noah,' he mouthed, and then he said, "Well, okay. After all of the finalists had been decided, the blimp suddenly went on autopilot and we couldn't get it back…"

1-1-1

"Yugi, Seto and I managed to get on the blimp just in time. Seto _threw _me on there. You should've seen Tristan's face… Eh?"

The white-haired bishounen and the flying squirrel were curled up on the ground, sleeping. Mokuba picked up a pair of socks and threw it at Ryou. "Ryou no baka, nete imasu ka?" T: Ryou, you idiot, are you sleeping?

"Huh?" Ryou sat up. "Oh… sorry." Ryou smiled. He hugged his knees and gazed curiously up at Mokuba, who swayed restlessly from side to side on the dresser.

"So how does it end, Mokuba?" Ryou inquired.

"We rode away into the sunset and psycho Marik laughed his head off. The end." Mokuba hopped off the dresser. "You do realize I spent a half an hour telling you all of this? Some sitter you are."

Ryou smiled sheepishly. "Ahe…"

Mokuba felt a pang of guilt for making Ryou feel bad. "Um, it doesn't matter," he placated. "Hey… where's Furk?"

Ryou's eyes widened.

/You dumbbell. You forgot about the rat, didn't you/

"It's not a rat, it's a flying squirrel," Ryou corrected, climbing to his feet.

"We need to find him," Mokuba stated. "Otherwise… he's gone forever…"

"What makes you think that?" Ryou inquired, scratching the side of his nose.

"My maid likes to kill my animals," Mokuba said bluntly.

"O.O You're kidding."

"Nope." Mokuba sashayed out the door. "So let's go!"

"Why?"

Mokuba turned around, his eyes glowing red.

"You must fear her…" Mokuba shuddered.

"Who? Who must I fear?" inquired Ryou. "Lisa Ann Walters?"

"No…"

"There's somebody worse than the Bobbinator?" Ryou exclaimed, shocked. "Oh my god! Wait… you don't mean…" Ryou shuddered. "Lois Griffin, do you?"

"- You're an idiot…"

"That's my game. "

"I was talking about my maid…"

"Oh."

Pause.

"O.O OH MY GOD!"

Ryou ran around in little circles squawking. Mokuba raised a chary eye.

1-1-1

4:03 PM  
Kaiba Household  
North Corner of Hallway  
Quarry still missing

"I think he's in there." Mokuba pointed to yet ANOTHER bedroom. "I left cheese in there for the rats. He might've wanted to get a piece of it."

"o.o You're messy, Mokuba."

"You know you love it. Now, I'm gonna go in there and flush him out. You stay out here and be ready to grab him, okay? Bakura?" Mokuba straightened up, casting a cursory glance at his friend. "Umm, why are you blushing?"

"Oh… no… reason…" Ryou gave him a smile. "Go ahead, yeah, you go ahead, and I'll wait for you to flush him out."

'It's just humor it's just humor it's just humor it's just—'

/Aw, you know he meant it. He WANTS you/

Ryou rolled his eyes dramatically. 'It's _just _humor it's just humor it's just humor it's just humor it's just humor it's just humor it's just humor it's just humor it's just humor it's just humor it's just humor it's just humor it's just humor it's just humor it's just humor it's just humor it's just humor it's just humor it's just humor it's just humor it's just humor…'

/Baka./

"Alright here he comes!" yelled Mokuba. Unfortunately, Ryou was already preoccupied singing.

"I need to be with you / to live / to breathe / you're taking over meeeeeeee!" Ryou sang badly. Mokuba cringed. Furk stopped and cringed. Ryou leaned over and scooped him up.

"That was simple enough," stated Ryou. "So what now?"

Furk bit him.

"Owch! I'm bleeding!" Ryou cried obviously.

"Bakura are you alright?" cried Mokuba, concerned, as he ran out of the guest bedroom. It was inopportune. Mokuba slammed into the doorframe and passed out.

Then, there he was. The other Ryou. Grimacing, griping, and just generally pissed off that a snot-nosed kid had passed out on him like that.

"Ryou" snarled and shoved little Mokuba off of him benevolently. Mokuba's spine hit the doorframe in just that way, the way that sent a pins needles phenomena to cascade through his vertebrae.

"Get off of me you little brat!" This new Ryou stood up and dusted himself off, grunting in dissatisfaction. "You got your clothes dirty, Ryou."

/I'm sorry./

_"Sorry isn't good enough!" _the crazy Bakura yelled. _"CLOTHES MUST BE CLEAN! SHRIEK!" _Let it be known that he narrated the word shriek.

/Eh, sorry./

"Baka..."

Then, without even attempting to dulcify the damage done when push came to shove, mou hitori no Bakura got up and strutted into the bathroom, leaving Mokuba with two big swirligigs for eyes.

1-1-1

Ryou felt depressed, knowing that Mokuba was even greener than Miho Nosaka was at school, as she was a whole two years his junior. People had started slanderous stories when she had started hanging out with him all the time – "as friends," he kept saying, even though the fact was he really just wanted her to go away and for the stories to stop. But here was Mokuba, nearly twelve years old and probably naïf to all sorts of blue stuff.

…Then again, he _did _play Grand Theft Auto: Vice City.

…And, he hadn't said anything about having a crush on any girls... but, Mokuba wasn't open to talking about his innermost feelings so without inhibition, much to Ryou's chagrin. He would have really loved to know if Mokuba liked someone… or if that someone could quite possibly be him. But what were the chances, that Mokuba wouldn't like some girlishly outgoing schoolmate more than he would like a sixteen-year-old, diffident guy?

…He did have this secret superpower for attracting older men, though, Ryou mused. First Pegasus, then Noa, and who knows what sort of insidious tortures Gozaburo subjected him to?

/That's sick./

"I'm joking."

…Did Seto Kaiba even have a girlfriend? Ryou knew that a lot of the same girls who liked him, at school adored Seto Kaiba at school as well, but he didn't think he was going with someone. Then again, with Seto being so "devastatingly handsome" as one girl had put it, he could probably just send off a resume to NAFE and get a fax for a blind date the next day.

Ryou had fun imagining this for a bit, trying to forget that Bakura was licking a red, sticky substance off of his fingers.

1-1-1

Now, for those among the readers who believe that Ryou is incredibly laid-back about the whole sadomasochism thing, read the next paragraph. It's the next part of the story, anyway. :P

1-1-1

Five minutes had passed. Ryou hadn't felt a thing himself, locked up in his soul room like a caged bird... but he had been more like a sleeping bird. He didn't have a time sense when he was in his soul room, so he had just slept. He felt a little foggy - How how he gotten to bleeding in the first place- but he knew he was bleeding and that blood loss was bad. He had learned this from experience. .

"And this was supposed to be my first single... Doo doo doo, doo doo doo." Ryou hummed the next few bars, digging through the skimpy itinerary of first aid items in the cabinet under the sink. His blasé 'tude confused the bejabbers out of most people, but Ryou had been accustomed to psychical abuse since he was young – and not always from his lord and master of the ring.


	3. Bakura Likes Ryou To Feel Uncomfortable

I hope you guys are enjoying reading this story as much as I'm enjoying writing it, because I do enjoy writing it — very much so.

Oh! Somebody tried to break into the house next door. There were three police cars and questioning and flashlights and such. Just a precautionary warning: USE YOUR ALARM!

This will become PG-13 sooner or later, mostly for swearing and stuff. I just don't quite remember when. He he he… don't shoot me! Oh, and, please review. I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, Malibu's Most Wanted, Michael Jackson (ew, who would want to?), Marshall Mathers, Dale Earnhardt Jr., Geoff Bodine, NASCAR Rumble, Sweet tarts Chews, Lizzie McGuire, or H2Only, and the one line from Evanescence's "Whisper".

Oh, and this chapter has Bakura making perverted jokes to make Ryou feel uncomfortable, and Ryou succumbing to the Bubblegum Cult. Just a warning. Most chapters aren't this perverted… I just needed Bakura to torture Ryou somehow besides cutting. (Sigh!) Next chappie's clean, I promise. :P This chapter isn't my favorite, but I'll stop putting myself down and let you read it now. Please review and tell me what you like/dislike about this fic! It helps me a lot! Thank you!

Ryou's frown wuz larger dan a clown's. That is to say, he was smiling upside down on the other side of town, biiitch! –Is what B-Rad Gluckman would say.

The Briton – Can you still say that, or is that allocated undeviatingly for Monty Python references? – exited the bathroom with maturing trepidation. What if, he wondered, what if Mokuba had woken up and professed his lifelong dream of being a tediously usufruct actor-gone-nun-gone-Yao-Ming with the un-flaccidity of a tiger and—

You are so weird, yadonushi.

_Yadonushi-sama _("respected" lord's property) was mou hitori no Bakura's nickname for Ryou. Other times, he would call him by his proper title in terms of their relationship — "host". However, most of the time he would just call him Ryou since Ryou did not respond facile to the moniker _yadonushi-sama. _

"Hey! You never know!" our dear, fey Ryou maintained defensively. He was honestly relieved when he found Mokuba right where _mou hitori no kare_ (the other him) had left him, luckily unconscious.

'How odd I am!' Ryou mused. 'I'm happy to find my crush unconscious.'

Maybe you're odd in a Michael Jackson way.

"Don't be silly."

Don't be so sure! Can you do the moonwalk? Is your skin pasty ad nauseum? Is your nose removable? Do you feel the desire to ambuscade masculine minors in their moments of dreamy respite? These are the symptoms of Jacksonitis.

"You're wicked…" Ryou started. "Wait, you know what 'respite' means? …And, 'ambuscade'?"

I see at least one of us paid attention in your English class back in England.

"Meh… That's so weird. To think that you paid attention in class, I mean."

Hey, I'm _plenty _smart. I know how to turn on a microwave, and I can operate a Shadow Box.

"That's a television."

Big dif.

Ryou, wanting to make sure Mokuba knew he was still being thought about (and that Mokuba wasn't dead,) leaned over and pinched him on the neck. Mokuba looked up with bleak, silver, deep orbs.

"You alive?" Ryou quipped.

"Yeah," was the dull, pitifully bleary reply. Ryou staunched a derisive smile. Mokuba sounded like he had a killer hangover or something.

"Oh, ok." Ryou placed his hands on the ground in order to heft himself up into a standing position, but Mokuba's head fell without grace and made a _thud _sound that was much too stentorian for such a small cranium.

Ryou sweat dropped. "Oh, geez. Not this all over again!"

As if it really matters. You love glomming him while he's sleeping like a drunkard.

"You WHAT he?" Ryou blathered. Mou hitori no kare paused.

…No, I didn't ply him with alcohol, stupid! I'm just here to make perverted jokes and make you feel uncomfortable. I was in the bathroom, remember?

"Not very clearly."

Ryou never remembered the events that were happening while he was in his soul room. He could hear things, though. It was like looking through a window smeared with Vaseline, but having the hearing abilities of Daredevil. But hearing abilities proved to be pernicious whenever Ryou overheard Bakura's plots or he heard the running of a sink. A little water to quicken the flow…

_**I know I can stop the pain if I will it all away**_

Ryou got down on his knees and – none too gently – starting shaking the forsaken youth out of his respite.

"MOKUBA WAKE UUUP!" Ryou shouted.

_Is there an earthquake? O.o; I dun remember seeing anything about that on the weather report… Not that it's ever accurate anyway…_

Like a curtain rising on a window, Mokuba opened one silver eye.

"WAKE UUUP—"

"Bakura I'm up."

"o.o; Oh!"

Ryou released his grip on Mokuba's shoulders and stepped back a few feet. "Sorry," he apologized, sweat dropping. Furk was perched augustly on his head, peeking over Ryou's batty bangs adorably. Mokuba espied him (Furk, not Ryou. Ryou was kind of hard to miss, being the only one white naturally white hair within an 80-block radius).

"Hey, you found Furk!" Mokuba exclaimed. The lilting lad leapt to his feet and plucked the plucky, chatting creature of the Ryou's handsome head. (:D Alliterations are your friends!) Mokuba cradled the critter. "How did you catch him?" he wondered. Ryou sweat dropped.

"I…… don't know," he confessed. And he didn't. Had Furk been in his hair this entire time? Had he gone ten minutes without noticing him, even in the bathroom? What _else _was living in his hair? Ryou's hair suddenly felt very, very dirty. He wanted to shower.

Ryou was also overcome by a wave of guilt. He had allowed mou hitori no kare to hurt Mokuba. He felt like such a bad person inside, and that was putting in mildly. He wanted to apologize, but that would draw too much attention to his… state of unwell being.

Mokuba scratched Furk behind the ears, addressing the silly squirrel in a baby voice:

"Who's a cute wil' squirrel? You are!"

Ryou laughed weakly.

Geez, Ryou, jealous of a squirrel. Your self-respect just metaphorically received a swirlie.

"o.o; Shut up!" Ryou shouted. To Mokuba, this seemed very random, and he froze like a deer trapped in the headlights of an oncoming car. He looked up, beseeching Ryou with similarly doe-like orbs.

"Um… not you," he amended pitifully. "Or… yes you. Shut up so I can ask you…"

Ask him if it's true his brother's hair used to be green.

"You want some candy?" Ryou asked capriciously. He ripped apart a small package of Sweet tarts Chews.

Mokuba smiled affably. "Sure."

Ryou gave him a piece of candy, which nearly clogged up Mokuba's esophagus. One Heimlich maneuver later, Ryou was playing NASCAR Rumble and Mokuba had a rather nifty lollipop, which he was deep-throating without realization, causing Ryou to stare.

Is that natural? I don't think so.

"I think Geoff Bodine's pretty good," Ryou was explaining politely as that character brought him to victory. The sleek, black car passed by Mokuba's green one. Moments later, Geoff had led Ryou Bakura to victory. "Yeah! …Uh, Mokuba?"

"Asborggen!" It sounded like Mokuba said. Ryou raised one eyebrow, not unlike Marshall Mathers in his relatively new music video, "Just Lose It".

"Terminated?" Ryou wanted to know. "Since when did you know German?" He then realized that Mokuba was choking again. The white-haired British boy sweat dropped. "Wie glücklich. Ich bin der glücklich."

Mokuba started to turn blue.

Another Heimlich maneuver later, Ryou was racing against Mokuba. It was Geoff Bodine vs. Dale Earnhardt Jr.

"Hey! I must be pretty good at this game. I'm going to win, Mokuba!" Ryou cheered. Ryou was especially excited because he was quite terrible at video games. No matter how hard he tried, victory always managed to eschew his slender fingers. Now he was closer to winning against a live human being in a racing game than ever before. He could do it! He could do it!

…Why had Mokuba's car stopped completely?

"…Mokuba? O.O Stop choking on your own spit!"

Talk about a sore loser.

"Oh well…"

ANOTHER Heimlich maneuver later, Mokuba said he was thirsty.

1-1-1

Ryou was in the kitchen watching a virescent boy down a glass of tap water.

"Mokie, there's a homeless bum in your house," Ryou said. Mokuba shooed the boy away, and then he poured and downed his own glass of tap water that came from a dirty aquifer. You may know it as the similarly bottled water, H2Only.

"Want to go outside?" Ryou asked. Mokuba gulped down some more water and nodded.

"That sounds like fun," the younger boy mumbled. "Real salubrious. 'Mokie, you're going to choke. Let's give you pneumonia instead.' "

"I could forget the Heimlich maneuver fugaciously next time you were in need of service."

"Alright," Mokuba grumbled. "Into the gelid world we go!"

"It's actually not that cold at all," explicated Ryou.

"Whatever…" Mokuba sighed. He was acting like such a butthead. What was wrong with him?

Meanwhile, Ryou was being telepathically hounded by mou hitori no kare who insisted that Ryou had meant certain types of "services" other than the Heimlich.

'No, the Hindlick is not used for choking.'

Are you sure?

"Yes," Ryou said aloud. "My GOD, you are perverted today!"

Positive? You're not making any mistakes?

"No, no, no." Darn it. Mou hitori no kare could be so annoying. 'Why me?' Ryou asked himself; then he caught Mokuba looking at him strangely. Ryou's aggravation immediately deliquesced like a small puddle in 100 degree weather. Mokuba was looking at him with a confused and fey-looking face.

"You were talking to yourself," Mokuba pointed out. "Or were you talking to the other You?"

"Which other me?"

"The one that pushed me."

Gulp.

"Yeah…" Ryou smiled weakly at Mokuba, wondering what came next. To his great surprise, it was this: nothing.

Mokuba shrugged. "Okay. I was just wondering."

Mokuba glanced outside. It looked gelid. Little did he know, it was actually quite warm — creating a rejuvenating mélange of warm sunshine (the type that swept all over you, inside and out) and the sounds of snow crunching underneath sneakers (like notorious Nikes and awesome Adidas).

"Let's go outside then!" Mokuba declared.

Ryou smirked. "I thought you _didn't _want to go outside."

"That was so two minutes ago!"

"Do you like Lizzie McGuire?" Ryou inquired shrewdly. Mokuba's eyes became shifty.

"Mayyyyyybe…"

1-1-1

When snow fell in Ryou's hometown, it always became dirty and sloshed up within two days. However, here in Domino, the pristine, fluffy flakes piled high and maintained their purity for at least a couple of days. Most of the city had been snowplowed, so that it driving wouldn't become dangerous, but of course the side yard of the Kaiba's hibernal home had not been visited by something so rough as a snowplow – obviously, as snowplows aren't supposed to go off of the streets and clear out people's gardens anyhow. Anyway, Ryou was anxious to observe the snow, white being his favorite color.

The day felt like summer, so that they didn't require jackets to go out comfortably. Ryou admired the prettification of the yard. Snow hung from dampened limbs—

Like sagging boobs for trees.

"O.O" Ryou refrained from commenting. Mokuba dragged him all the way across the yard, (If it took fifteen minutes to go down the hall, why didn't it take fifteen minutes to go across the yard? Ryou decided after a little while not to think about it,) jabbering about showing him "Furk's usual cage." As if Furk wasn't already the most spoiled squirrel on Earth. The sky was a cloudless, robin's egg blue, and in some other dimension, this paragraph made sense. (More lies!)

"Why a squirrel?" Ryou mused. "Don't you like cats?"

"Nii-sama's allergic to cats," Mokuba to him.

"How lachrymose. Well, what about dogs then? Or is he allergic to those as well?"

"What's the use of owning a dog when nii-sama and I would just have to hire somebody to walk him?"

"So if you did get a dog it would be a guy?"

" 'Guy?' "

"I mean male. A male dog. As opposed a, let's say, female dog. Non-disparagingly."

"I know. No, I didn't say that."

"Oh. Well, why would you have to hire somebody to walk him, or her?"

"Usually I'm working."

"But you're not now."

"It's only temporary."

"Oh."

The only sound for a little bit was the crunch of sneaker against snow. Somewhere, a songbird was singing.

"So what about rabbits then?" Ryou persevered after a little while.

"Multiply too quickly. And please don't say, 'Well you could always teach them to divide.' Dang it, Hobson always thought he was so clever."

"Who's Hobson?"

"Old butler."

"What happened to him?"

"Not a happy story."

"Oh. Well, you could just get only one rabbit. Rabbit's make good pets. My friend Akio has a pet rabbit."

"Still, it's not a good idea. They chew up the wires and harass my brother and they sit remind me of Maximilian Pegasus. Plus, they can't sit on your head and make little chittering noises."

"One, you could keep them in a cage, two, what do you mean they harass your brother, and three, does that mean the bunny would have to only have one eye and would speak in a really gay voice?"

"One, I guess, two, you don't want to know, and three, maybe."

Mokuba closed his eyes, thinking back to when Seto and he were kids…

_"Hey, Mokie, look! A bunny!" Seto reached out to pet it. "It's sooo soft…"_

_The children in the home had been finger-painting earlier that day, so that Seto's fingers were bright orange. The bunny obviously mistook them for carrots._

_"OWWWWWWWWWWWWCH!"_

"So then, a hamster?" Ryou persisted desperately.

"Squirrels are just cooler," Mokuba insisted. Ryou looked at the small cut on his hand, where the "cool" critter had bit directly into a vein.

"Um…"

"Believe me."

"Okay."

"Now let's go see his cage." Mokuba dragged Ryou onward. It was now Ryou realized that Mokuba had switched from holding onto his wrist to holding his hand.

1-1-1

As spoiled as Furk had seemed previously, his cage had been _only _the size of an Aurora car. (MY DADDY HAS ONE! ) _Only. _But then again, in all fairness, the little guy _was _a squirrel, and squirrels needed lots of room to run around and play and chuck grenades in ladies' hair.

Again they were playing NASCAR Rumble on Mokuba's Playstation. Now Ryou was Dale Earnhardt Jr., and Mokuba was that Ken guy who has a really flashy car, whose name I will never remember:

"HAH!" Ryou said. "I'm about to win!"

Mokuba started to hiccup.

"Oh, come on!" Ryou growled in frustration as he once again flawlessly performed the Heimlich maneuver.

Now _that _is what you call a sore loser.

"Yes," Ryou agreed. And then he turned to Mokuba, who was gasping to regain his breath.

"Don't choke any more," Ryou warned. "I might have to give you CPR next time," he teased.

Mokuba, who rolled his eyes in an exaggerated fashion, responded sarcastically, "As if you'd mind, Ryou; everybody knows you're gay."

Ryou was fortunate that the white blush that passed over his face was imbibed by his natural pallor. He was also fortunate that he was able to simulate rage at this moment. "Shut up!" he yelled.

Mokuba, startled, swallowed his gum. "Crap." The small Kaiba pouted. "I'm out of bubblegum…" Twin orbs coruscated with mischief. "Maybe Seto has some!"

The exuberant millionaire stood up with the air of a little kid who has just seen a dead bird and who now gets to poke the poor beast with a pointy stick. Ryou was busy eyeing a dead bird outside the window, wondering where he had left his pointy stick. Mokuba tugged on his sleeve. Ryou blinked.

"Come on!" Mokuba whined.

"Why?" inquired Ryou.

_"Well…" _Mokuba's eyes twinkled mischievously once again. "Everyone always wants to see my big brother's room in case they find something that they may use to blackmail him. So—"

"BLACKMAIL!" Ryou leapt up and went bounding down the hallway, screaming, "As opposed to white mail or gray mail or black males!" Mokuba raised an eyebrow.

"Does he even know where he's going?" he wondered. This question was accompanied by the appearance of a dainty sweat drop as Mokuba realized that no, Ryou didn't have the slightest clue where on Earth he was running. The youth sat down on the couch and waited patiently for his baby-sitter's return. He didn't have to wait very long; a moment or two later, Ryou returned with a sheepish grin plastered on a flushed face, panting for breath.

Hot,Mokuba thought with another ardent sweat drop.

1-1-1

As (we, I, whoever) mentioned back in chapter 1, Yugi was in sort of a state of denial and shock. Yami, it seemed, had been informed of what a trollop was by Joey, God bless him, and was now hounding Yugi to tell him if he actually knew any.

Yugi wasn't going to ask why. He _really _didn't.

"Look, Yami, I already told you: my mom is the only prostitute that I know," Yugi said, shielding his eyes as he scanned the horizon.

/_You didn't tell me that/_

"… -.-' I was joking. Gods, you really need to get a life, you know that?" Yugi sighed. "Sorry. That was uncalled for."

/Considering that I've been trying my darnedest to bug the Hell out of you for the past four hours, you could say that it was called for, but let's not./

"…You mean you've been…" Yugi closed his eyes and started counting backwards from one-hundred. For filler, let's show him counting, shall we? No? Well screw you!

'La la la… I can't hear you… One-hundred…'

/Ha ha ha. You thought I was serious/

'You can never be sure. Ninety-nine, ninety-eight, ninety-seven, ninety-six — After all, you _are _a freak—"

/Hey/

"Ninety-five, ninety-four, ninety-three, ninety-two, ninety-one, ninety, eighty-nine, eighty-eight, eighty-seven, eighty-six, eighty-five, eighty-four, eighty-three, eighty-two, eighty-one, eighty…'

/Um, aibou? What are you doing/

"Saving myself from your de-sanitizing influences."

/De-sanitizing/

"Seventy-nine, seventy-eight, seventy-seven, seventy-six, seventy-five, seventy-four, seventy-three, seventy-two, seventy-one, seventy, sixty-nine, sixty-eight, sixty-seven, sixty-six, sixty-five, sixty-four, sixty-three, sixty-two, sixty-one, sixty, fifty-nine, fifty-eight, fifty-seven, fifty-six, fifty-five, fifty-four, fifty-three, fifty-two, fifty-one, fifty.'

Yugi decided that that was enough. He felt calmer now, and Yami had quieted down.

When he opened them, there was a rack in his way. A girl coughed politely.

"Uh, hi Tea." Yugi backed waaaaaaay away from Tea.

/Aw, Yugi! You know you want her to stand close to you like that. :D/ Yami was having lots of fun. Can you tell?

"_Shut up!_" Yugi growled. It sounded like a sneeze. Tea stepped back, looking slightly grossed out.

"Ew, Yugi, you're not getting sick on me are you?" she joked. Yugi shook his head 'no'.

/He's already LOVEsick on you…/

"Mou hitori no boku is just being annoying today," Yugi explained with a smile. Yami frowned. Tea had gotten over her crush on him after he had rejected her. Sometimes, when Tea got sad about it, Yugi would tell her of all the awful, annoying, and bothersome things that mou hitori no Yugi did. Some examples included constant musings about cereal with 1 milk and raving on about how Noa was (or had been before he died) a French maid. Sometimes Yugi thought that his other self believed what he was talking about. Those were sad, sad times indeed.

"Oh!" Tea grinned. "Well, come on then! I'm still helping you with your math homework, right?"

Yugi sighed. He was utterly useless at math. This was ironic because Duel Monsters was a game that required it, and he was the world champion. "Right," he said.

/You just want an excuse to get into her apartment.

"Besides the fact that that's where we used to hang out when we were kids and that I half grew up there?" Yugi whispered while Tea whistled "Can't Get You out of My Head" by Kylie Minogue.

/You know, that song is very annoying./

"Mm-hm."

/Yugi/

"Mm?"

/…Is Tea a French maid/

"Forty-nine, forty-eight, forty-seven, forty-six…"

1-1-1

It was immediately apparent upon entrance that this room could belong to _the _Seto Kaiba and no one else. There were plenty of ostentatious furbelows displayed on the dressers and nightstands. Ryou thought he spied a puzzle book in German. Who knew that Kaiba could speak German? Well, whatever

A nimiety of tiny but opulent and comely gewgaws in the form of BEWDs made ferocious gestures at him from the top of the dresser. The rug was a creamy-white, and the carpet underneath it was a pale blue, reminiscent also of the beloved dragon. The whole room would have sparkled with what one could have called pulchritude if the walls hadn't been so quixotically covered in pictures. This was a special feature of the room that Ryou would have never have foreseen, seeing as Seto Kaiba was _definitely _not the type to be sentimental or nostalgic. There were pictures of Mokuba everywhere… Of course. He had forgotten that Seto Kaiba was obsessive, and that his younger brother was the only person that he truly loved in the entire world. What a sad state for such a stately sod.

His gaze had snagged on a few familial pictures, of a couple that looked familiar and foreign at the same time. Ryou was sure that these were Mokuba and Seto's parents. Ryou felt a painful jolt to the gut as he quickly averted his eyes from these photos. For some inexplicable reason, he felt that he should avert his gaze from those images.

There was one particular picture that held Ryou's interest for a long time. The entire Yugi-gumi was in it, and at first Ryou couldn't figure out for the life of him why Seto had kept it. But then he realized it; despite the fact that Yugi, Joey, Tea and Tristan were in the photo, so was Mokuba, and he was radiating a happiness the likes of which Ryou hadn't experienced for quite some time.

Ryou, other than looking at the photos, (quite nosily, I might add #) just stood there doltishly as Mokuba opened up his nii-sama's night stand drawer and removed a packet of gum from his brother's candy stash (Kaiba has a candy fetish -) and closed the drawer again. The boy, who, in the photo, had looked so exuberant and happy in the company of his friends, turned to him with a mixture of pity and formal apology in his eyes, like he was sorry for keeping Ryou waiting.

"Want some gum?" he asked, his eyes suddenly going ablaze with cherry cherubic sparkle. Ryou rolled his eyes. Oh, the simple pleasures of life! Look at me! I have gum! That's so great! BLISS! BLISS! BLISS!

"…Sure," Ryou replied lethargically. Bliss, bliss, bliss. He held out a pale hand, into which he assumed the stick of gum was _supposed _to be deposited, but Mokuba chose to grab his hand instead. Ryou soon found himself being dragged out of the bedroom of the richest teenager in Domino City.

"Seto's home now," Mokuba was saying, "and we can't get caught in his room or he'll carve our livers and feed them to Sandy."

"O.o; Who is Sandy?"

And what would he carve your livers with?

"The humongous buzzard at the zoo," Mokuba elucidated. He was now dragging Ryou down the hall, as if he didn't trust Ryou to walk on his own.

"O.O Is she really? And Kaiba goes to the zoo?"

Since when does that prick get any fresh air at all? This house is so musty you'd expect Michael Jackson to live in it.

"That doesn't make sense," Ryou murmured.

Yes it does.

"…Kaiba goes to the zoo?" Ryou repeated.

"Bien sûr ! Il y a les lamantins!"

Ryou stared at Mokuba blankly. "…Oh. I see."

You have no idea what he just said, do you?

'No, but it doesn't matter because number one, I have gum and number two, I'm holding his hand!'

-# Oh, the simple pleasures of life. It's actually more like he's holding your hand, though.

'I don't mind being so powerless, then. Besides, I have gum.'

Mortal, you're stupid.

'La la la, I'm not listening… _I know I can stop the pain if I will it all away…/Don't turn away/Don't give in to the darkness/Don't try to hide/When they're screaming your name._'

Ryou knew that mou hitori no Bakura would almost never cut him open more than once in one day. The blood loss would be too much to handle, and Ryou's body was very, very valuable to Bakura in the same way a human was valuable to a Yeerk. This didn't mean that he wouldn't be bombarded with disparagements for the rest of the day, though. But Ryou didn't mind. It was just like school, wasn't it?

Fine, then. Let a twelve-year-old boss you around. But it's still very, very sad, the spirit of the Millennium Ring opined.

Even as the spirit was noting this, the three of them had come to a point where they could discern (finally) their destination. Kaiba was standing at the end of the hyperbolic hallway, his hands stuffed in his pockets.

'That clothing contraption has pockets?' Ryou goggled.

Wow… gasped the Ring's spirit in awe. Kaiba _is _cool…

Mokuba ran over and glomped his nii-sama with joyful vehemence. A/N: Awww! For a second Ryou could have _sworn _that Kaiba smiled as he hugged his younger brother warmly back. However, when he turned to regard Ryou, he wore a disinterested, 'oh, it's you, some piece of crap that somehow manages to breath' look on his face.

"Thanks," he said tactlessly. Ryou blushed; even when Kaiba was thanking you, his voice still sounded stern.

If Kaiba hadn't been busy explaining to Ryou when he would get paid (with Ryou nodding wisely in agreement with everything that the elder Kaiba said) he just might have noticed twin silver orbs glaring at him so fiercely – that they resembled a baby dragon's.


	4. The Miracle of Actually Getting Some Sun...

_KENZO TANGE 1943-2005_

_This chapter is dedicated partially to Kenzo Tange, who died Tuesday on March 22. He was an architect, professor, Pritzker Prize winner, husband, and father. This chapter is also dedicated to Karmila Wati and Samsol Winda, two tsunami refugees who are now wed. And the final dedication goes to approximately 27 schoolchildren in the Phillipines whose cause of death was easing improperly prepared deep-fried caramelized cassava from vendors. The cassava roots were too starchy, the children were poisoned, and they died._

Mokuba was feeling pitiful the next morning. Yesterday's unusual seriatim of events had left him greatly troubled. His dreams had been about the day prior, but they had been were dissonant, vague, and utterly the antithesis of opaque. Basically he had just dreamed of hitting his head on something quite like a brick with his eyes being closed, with Furk chittering nearby. And his head feeling fuzzy.

His muddy reverie was staunched by the holiest, best, most savory thing in the word: _Good food. _A mouthwatering aroma wafted down the lengthy hall. Mokuba was surprised. Like classical music in a rap theater, good-smelling food just wasn't the norm when dealing with the home of the Kaibas. For that, a cook was a necessity. Always, a necessity…

His appetite whet by the heavenly odor, the formerly-sleepy Mokie sprang into action. The vice president coggled towards the kitchen like Eminem rushing to slaughter Kim. Jaws' theme playing steadily behind him.

Mokuba turned the corner, into the kitchen. There was Seto, nonchalantly sipping his coffee and eating a… hey, that looked _good! _Was that a donut?

_Heyyyyy… Yum……DONUT!_

"SETO!" Mokuba dashed into the kitchen. He leapt at Seto and gave his big brother a huge hug. (A/N: Awww… brotherly fluff.) This caused both Seto, Mokuba, and the chair to all fall over. Luckily, the coffee remained intact, sitting on the table with swirls of steam curliqueing from it's caffeinated greatness. And what noise did Seto make during this ordeal?

"Arf!"

Yes, folks, that is the noise that Seto made in surprise when he fell over. Ironic, no?

Mokuba leapt to his feet gracefully, wearing an embarrassed imp's face.

1-1-1

Somewhere, in the steamy lands of Trug, a faceless imp walked unsuspectingly into the woman's bathroom. The shrieks that followed pierced the air, and the imp ran out screaming its strident apologies.

1-1-1

"Oops I'm sorry Seto! It's just, ah, 'good morning!' " Mokuba scrambled over to another chair as his older brother rose to his feet in a daze. The donut was in Mokie's hand, then his mouth, then his stomach in less than a minute. :D That's one fast digestive tract!

"I never thought you were a violent person," Seto mused. Mokuba retaliated by making a gross face at his elder brother, stretching his tongue out to almost lick his nose.

"Alright, that's disgusting!" Seto vociferated, throwing his hands up in front of his face as if to shield him from the view.

"Oh, and you eating breakfast in your boxers isn't?" Mokuba laughed at the sight of the distracted polymath, taking the chance to surreptitiously lick the remaining infinitesimal crumbs off of his fingers. There. Donut go bye-bye.

"At least I'm not trying to pick my nose with my tongue."

"Am not."

"Sure looks like it." Seto reached for his donut, only to feel nothing but air. His eyes narrowed and begun to glow red. _"Mokubaaa…"_

Said boy gulped. "Um, Seto… I can explain."

"_Give me back my donut…" _Seto hissed, and started chasing Mokuba around the house. Mokuba didn't really mind, since he felt much better. His stomach was full and for once, he had Seto chasing after him instead of him chasing fruitlessly after his elder brother's utmost attention – and still ungiven respect.

1-1-1

"OOOOO.OOOOO" was the expression on Ryou's face right now. This was… weird.

"…Hi," said the president of KaibaCorp, easy-as-you-please.

"O.O"

"Problem?" Kaiba raised an eyebrow. He rinsed out the chocolate pudding container and threw it into a blue recycling bin.

Ryou nodded lethargically, still in a daze. When he finally got a grip on the current situation, he boldly pointed out something he felt that Kaiba must not be aware of.

"You're in your underwear, Kaiba."

"Ah." Kaiba took a sip of his coffee. "Why don't you tell me about it later when I get back from work?"

"OO Are you going to work like that?"

"It's casual day," Kaiba called over his shoulder with a smirk. He _sashayed — sashayed! —_ out of the room and into the hallway. "Mokuba's in his room."

"Oh… kay…" Seto disappeared into the hallway. Ryou hoped it was to get changed into some decent wear. Why on _Earth _did his boxers have that… tear…

Ryou tried not to think about it as he made the fifteen minute trek down the Everlasting Hallway of Twilight, as he liked to call it. Otherwise known as The Way To Mokie's Room.

1-1-1

I don't want another pretty face

I don't want just anyone to hold

I don't want my love to go to waste

I want you and your beautiful soul

You're the one I wanna chase

You're the one I wanna hold

I wont let another minute go to waste

I want you and your beautiful soul

I know that you are something special

To you I'd be always faithful

I want to be what you always needed

Then I hope you'll see the heart in me

I don't want another pretty face

I don't want just anyone to hold

I don't want my love to go to waste

I want you and your beautiful soul

You're the one I wanna chase

You're the one I wanna hold

I wont let another minute go to waste

I want you and your beautiful soul

Your beautiful soul, yeah

You might need time to think it over

But im just fine moving forward

I'll ease your mind

If you give me the chance

I will never make you cry cmon lets try

I don't want another pretty face

I don't want just anyone to hold

I don't want my love to go to waste

I want you and your beautiful soul

You're the one I wanna chase

You're the one I wanna hold

I wont let another minute go to waste

I want you and your beautiful soul

Am I crazy for wanting you

Baby do you think you could want me too

I don't wanna waste your time

Do you see things the way I do

I just wanna know if you feel it too

There is nothing left to hide

I don't want another pretty face

I don't want just anyone to hold

I don't want my love to go to waste

I want you and your beautiful soul

You're the one I wanna chase

You're the one I wanna hold

I wont let another minute go to waste

I want you and your beautiful soul

Your beautiful soul, yeah

"OO Mokuba, are you listening to Jesse McCartney?" Ryou asked dumbly as he entered the room.

"AH!" Mokuba tumbled off of his bed.

"OO Are you reading Lizzie McGuire?" Ryou demanded bewilderedly, picking up the book.

"NO!"

"And is that a sewing kit?" Ryou pointed to said sewing kit. "Mokuba, I could have stepped on a needle!"

"I wish you would have," Mokuba murmured. "If you don't like Jesse McCartney, fine, I'll put something else in." He took out the CD, _Beautiful Soul, _and put it away in his cabinet. Ryou goggled at the mass amount of CDs Mokuba had acquired over the years. Mokuba dug through the pile until he pulled one out labeled _Slim Shady LP._

Ryou looked at the CD cover nervously. The cover showed limp feet and legs sticking out of an open car trunk, while a man wearing black stood out on the dock, getting ready to toss the body into the water.

"Uhhh, what exactly _is _that?" He sounded doltish.

"The Slim Shady LP," Mokuba said. "It's cool."

Ryou face faulted. "Where on Earth did you _get _that?" he wanted to know.

"I blackmailed one of the butlers," Mokuba shared gleefully.

"Uhhm… You know, maybe we should just do something else. Like, play video games?" Ryou suggested. There were at least twenty billion sweat drops on his head. He was about to fall over from all of the pressuring weight.

"Can we play Grand Theft Auto III?"

"…Ah," said Ryou, "a g-g-greeeeeeat game to play on… a… Sunday or something. Perhaps before church. Maybe we could eat the chocolate pudding that your brother happened to be eating for breakfast today?"

"Good idea." Mokuba was trying to hide his blush. The shaggy-haired boy hadn't really been lying the other day. He didn't _watch _Lizzie McGuire. He _read _it. He had a near-complete collection of all the books currently published. These were kept, along with his sewing kit, in the tiny-large cabinet underneath the TV in his room. Although the cabinet looked small, it actually stretched back quite a bit. Mokuba locked this cabinet when he wasn't sewing or reading Lizzie McGuire, because he wanted to take extra precautions to eschew humiliation. After all, how could any guy (namely Ryou) like another guy (namely him)( who read such chikc books?

He gulped just thinking about it.

"Let's go," he commanded as he stood up. Ryou bowed to him sarcastically before he turned, tripped over his own feet, got up, headed towards the door, tripped again, and finally reached the door, tripping out of it.

Mokuba laughed gaily as he leapt over Ryou and ran down the hall. A minute later, he stopped and waited for Ryou to catch up to him. He was surprised when he heard Bakura talking to the air.

"Thanks for not being such a total pervert today, mou hitori no boku," Ryou said to the ceiling.

"That ceiling is the other you?" Mokuba asked. Ryou's eyes widened and he blushed.

"Eh, sorry."

"I didn't realize that the spirit of the Ring gave you such trouble yesterday. Or that he was gay."

"He'll kill you if you say that again," Ryou said monotonously. "Yeah, but it's pretty nice that he stopped making stupid jokes today. It lets me focus more on having fun hanging out with you."

Mokuba blushed suddenly, and looked at the floor to eschew Ryou's discovery of the pink tinctures.

Ryou himself blushed as well. "Ah… I didn't mean it like that! I just meant that…"

The truth was, that was exactly how Ryou had meant it. Yesterday it had been difficult to fully appreciate hanging around Mokuba because of all the distracting disparagements his Dark had to say. However, this wasn't going to make it easier for Ryou to not feel weird in Mokuba's home. The house itself was huge, and hanging around with somebody who looked so cute (in Ryou's opinion, anyway) just didn't set the standards at "comfortable".

1-1-1

The afternoon was awkward for both of them. Mokuba hadn't remembered much about what happened yesterday, but he did know that waking up with someone leaning over you, blood dripping from their arms, was _not _and never would be considered normal. He was going to wait for Bakura to explain what happened to him, though. If Bakura trusted him, he would tell him, right? He wanted Bakura to trust him more than anything…

They were seated on the couch in silence that was broken only by the occasional rupturing laughter that found its stimulus in the bad dialogue of the video game Ryou was watching Mokuba play. The multiple travesties that this video game inflicted upon the English language were severe. Each mispronunciation and dangling participle were like demons wrapping their icy fingers around the gamer's neck. Each incorrectly used grammatical rule was like a sin. They threatened to make a native English speaker's ears bleed under their influence and left the gamer with a numb sense of linguistics gone wrong.

It was, in short, the worst dub job that Ryou had ever seen. Even _he _could have done a considerably better job at dubbing the travestial video game. And in the end, he felt pissed that some executive moron once saw fit to market this game. That man was probably living a clandestine, shamed life behind the bastion of a paper bag like Michael Jackson's poor daughter.

Mokuba thought it was funny. The humorous knowledge that some poor, misguided sap somewhere might be using this game as an English language study guide was strikingly hilarious.

"All your base are belong to us," the video game beeped.

"Holy Saint Francis! This game's dubbing stinks worse than Napolean Dynamite's plot," the British teen opined fiercely. His chocolate orbs sparked with angry. "Even your English is better than this."

"Are you insulting my English?" demanded Mokuba. Ryou smiled mischeviously, making him look Elven.

"Yes…"

Mokuba made a face. "Fine. We'll turn the game off if it offends you so much." He flicked the on/off switch. The TV screen turned to the last channel they had been on. Unfortunately, Cable had decided to keep its viewers on their fungi-plagued toes by switching around all the channel numbers. And so, instead of MTV, on came…

"O.O Mokubaisthatapornchannel?"

"O.O Umno." Mokuba turned it off. "So, what do you want to do now?" he asked nervously.

" . . Truthfully I have a peculiar yen to return some videos to Blockbuster," Ryou confessed. "Shall we please go?"

Mokuba raised an eyebrow. "You're so weird." Mokuba put on his best false British Monty Python accent. " '_I bet you're gay._' "

" '_No I'm not!_' " Ryou protested in _his _Monty Python accent. "Do you have some videos due back today that you'd like to return, or are you just up for the walk?"

"Both," Ryou explained. "You see, there was an incident."

Mokuba blinked a couple of times. "An incident?"

"Yes, confessed Ryou, and he went on to elucidate: "You see, one time I was with Joey in a Blockbuster. Joey was eating french fries. That's important. Those frenchc fries were a key component in an accidental affair that ends with the manslaughter of one man and the destruction of three copies of LOTR."

Mokuba placed his hand over his heart, his eyes tearing.

"By consequence, every time Joey or I return a video late, the bastards try to add the replacement price of the three VHSes to our late fees. We would've had to pay for the guy's funeral too, but luckily his insurance covered that sort of thing."

"There's an insurance company that covers accidents involving french fries?" asked Mokuba incredulously.

"Yes, although he didn't actually _die _as much as he faked his own death. He's still alive today in Cambodia. His name is Frank."

"That's a little hard to believe," Mokuba confessed.

"I was paid a forty dollar check in order to believe what I just said is the utmost truth with limpid perspacity. I think it would be nice if we went on a walk, however."

"Maybe…" Mokuba's silver eyes darted towards the window. Soft, yellow light that hailed from a sun hanging in a sweet, cloudless sky. The leaves hanging limply outside his bedroom window didn't stir due to the windless nature of the day. It seemed like a perfect day for a walk.

"Sure," Mokuba agreed, even surprising himself. "Why don't we go?"

Ryou smiled kindly at him. Mokuba grinned back.

_He has a nice smile._

Mokuba blushed, unaware that Ryou thought _he _had a great smile, too. Now, if only he _would _smile…

"Great!" This is when you now imagine Ryou wearing a suit of armor. "I thank you kindly, small sir, for now I can eschew the war between me and 'The Blockbuster People', or TBP." Ryou gesticulated pompously with his arms as he said this. If you listened to sentence 2 of this paragraph, you'll know that this made a funny squeaking noise.

Furk slipped up behind the pair, situating himself behind Ryou's leg. Ryou shifted, and accidentally hit the flying psycho-squirrel with the heel of his sneaker.

Ryou stood up. "Well, let's get going…" His lilting voice faded off as he saw a tiny puddle of blood on the floor. "Umm… Mokuba, your squirrel bit me."

"Probably just doesn't want us to go away. Can we bring him?"

Ryou thought about this for a second.

_Furk bites the Blockbuster employee's wrist before scurrying about causing a general panic. A large shelf falls over with a foreboding 'thump' sound. Ryou can feel his yen bills flying away on wins. Mokuba is in the bathroom or something, so he can't offer to pay for the expenses himself. And of course, there is an explosion in tribute to Sonic19902._

"Erm. Well." Ryou's sweat drop clung heavily to his head. "I don't think that's such a good idea. Let's just clean this and lock him up and flee for our lives."

"Okay."

1-1-1

Mokuba had been correct in assuming that the sun would be ardent in its eleemosynary act of warming the earth. The light shed upon the shaggy-haired youth's face served to make him look more pensive. Mokuba had never been able to relax during long walks, and right so; the very basic concept of "walking" insinuated that one was going _to someplace, _unless one was meandering about like a drunken lackey abandoned by its boss. His brother's no-nonsense attitude about everything often translated into a 'hurry, no relaxing' attitude. It was as if Mokuba had no time to smell the roses on this side of the garden because his ice cream was melting on the other side. Mokuba felt anxious and uncomfortable, even on this gloriously gorgeous day. It was a blessing to be outside on a day such as this, but to Kaiba's younger brother it was an anathema – and _very _boring!

Meanwhile, Ryou was exulting in the mélange of heat and windlessness that warmed his insides. The city he had grown up in had encouraged transportation by foot, so he walked without a nagging sense of it being awkward. To him, Blockbuster was his eventual destination. His main fixation was to enjoy the sunshine. HE didn't get nearly enough time to bask in the sun's warm, almost eldritch glow, as he would've liked. This was easily reflected in the fact that he was so darned _pale._

"So, like um... How was school?" Ryou's voice cracked right after he said it. Of all the lamest things…

Mokuba rolled his eyes. "Sucky," he declared.

Ryou shrugged. "Sorry. Whatcha learnin' about?"

"Oh, you know… some crap about Japan's 'rich and beautiful history', to quote my teacher Mr. Hakute-sensei."

"Your teacher called Japan's history 'crap'?" Ryou inquired amazedly. He grinned. Teacher's like that were cool.

"No, he called it 'rich and beautiful' history." Mokuba snorted. "_I _called it crap."

Ryou's face fell. "Oh. What sort of things are you learning in Japanese History right now?" God, why was he milking this conversation? It sucked worse than Luke Perry in that episode of Family Guy.

"We're learning about the Feudal Era, a.k.a. Sengoki Jidai. All that samurai stuff about daimyous and honor and feudalism."

"Omoshiroi!" Ryou cheered.

Mokuba snorted. "I never found it very interesting. People should create their own legacies instead of studying those of others."

"But the past is a window, see." Ryou was hopping over the cracks in the sidewalk. "If you study the stories of what once was, sometimes you can mirror it."

"Why would anyone want to?"

"Some people do." Ryou immediately thought of Ishizu. "Some people think that history will repeat itself unless we learn from the mistakes of the past."

"Whatever." Mokuba snorted. Ryou's mouth hung slack in protest.

"I just meant—"

"Don't baby me Ryou." Mokuba glared ferociously at the elder teen.

Mokuba Kaiba, above all other things, hated being cosseted like some incompetent third grader. During Battle City, his job as commissioner had been severely difficult due to the fact that people didn't want to take an eleven-year-old seriously. Mokuba had formed a theory that was based upon the proposition that people were only prone to listen to those around the same height as them, if not taller. (This would account for mou hitori no Yugi's ability to captivate people more easily than his shorter counterpart. Or, it could be his cape. One never knew.) Mokuba especially didn't want to feel babied by Bakura. It would make the age gap between them seem larger. And how could somebody love a baby?

Even as the Vice President of KaibaCorp, it seemed like Mokuba always felt that people didn't recognize his imperative. Whenever this happened, he followed a Kaiba practice that had been passed down from Gozaburo. It involved firing people in order to feel bigger. It was very effective, actually.

"I wasn't," Ryou said defensively. "I just couldn't think of anything to talk about."

"You serious? _Nothing? _That's—"

"Well I meant besides video games. And Yao Ming and white out and and les Grand Concours and my grandmother and Barry Burton's Jill sanwich and where Chris is and wearing sunglasses inside the house and pencil-" DEEP gasp "-bags and 420 and Futurama's final episodes and Bill O' Reilly bloviating and Ayumi Hamasaki and sleeping under the stars and-" DEEP gasp "-ancient evils that live in a ring an have an affinity or predilection for blood, Yugi's hairstyle, whether or not Tristan thinks of himself as a giant hammer, whether he could be USED as a giant hammer, Téa Gardner and yearbooks and and Lord Samuel and how stupid the Titanic is and Lindsey Lohan's atrocities and Vin Diesel's new movie and – actually, no, not Vin Diesel. But also we could talk about Blue Permanent markers and why they're called Sharpies if they're not and why the moon looks full of holes and stuck zippers and sparkly purple finger nail polish and ASPARAGUS PIE!" Ryou shouted/blurted. Mokuba raised an eyebrow at him.

"Finger nail polish? And what's wrong with Vin Diesel?"

Ryou shrugged. "Eh, I was in the moment." Then Ryou blushed and opted to confess, "And I'm afraid of bald people."

Mokuba sweat dropped and raised an eyebrow at Ryou while turning his mouth into an 'O', like this one guy in the "Milkshake" music video by Kelis. "That's sad," he opined.

Ryou nodded in agreement. "Really."

There was an awkward, yet peaceable lapse in the conversation. Mokuba made a small sighing noise. The sun was warming his face and getting in his eyes, so he was squinting slightly. Ryou forgot not to stare at him as this was extremely cute, in a peculiar, bug-like sort of way.

Shivers ran up and down the young Kaiba's spine.

"Mokuba!" his Spidey senses told him, "you be very careful out there today, we're at terror alert orange! Which means something might go down somewhere in someway in some point in time, SO LOOK SHARP!"

American Dad rocks and should be loved. Won't you love it?

Mokuba then realized that Ryou was staring at him.

"oO;;;;;;;;;;;" Mokuba s l o w l y turned his head around. "Um, can I help you?"

"- Yeah you can."

Mokuba face faulted at the innuendo. Random images were floating through his head…There was even background music.

"_Here you go little boy," said an ice cream man as he handed Mokuba a monkey._

_**La la la  
La la la la la  
La la la  
La la la la la **_

I just can't get you out of my head  
Boy your loving is all I think about  
I just can't get you out of my head  
Boy it's more than I dare to think about

_The monkey tore up the couch._

**_Every night  
Every day  
Just to be there in your arms _**

Won't you stay  
Won't you lay  
Stay forever and ever and ever and ever

_The monkey ook-ooked to a Ricky Martin song in sparkly gray pants._

**_There's a dark secret in me  
Don't leave me locked in your heart  
_**

_The monkey took over McDonalds._

_**La la la  
La la la la la  
La la la  
La la la la la **_

I just can't get you out of my head

_**I just can't get you out of my head  
I just can't get you out of my head...**_

Hey, we said they were random. We also did warn you of the background music.

"You can help me by telling me what that sign says over there. I'm afraid I'm near-sighted."

Mokuba mentally blackguarded his wandering thoughts. "Oh… sure." Mokuba squinted. He wasn't sure which sign Ryou was talking about. There seemed to be an awful lot of them.

DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER UNTIL SOMEONE GETS HURT

MY PRICES ARE CHEAPER THAN THE STORE WITH ASTRONOMICALLY HIGH PRICES THAT I PROBABLY MADE UP IN THE FIRST PLACE

VOTE FOR PEDRO

WE BUY UGLY HOUSES… YES, WE'LL EVEN BUY YOURS!

WE LOVE TO SEE YOU SMILE AS YOU EAT OUR FOOD UNAWARE THAT YOU ARE AT HIGH RISK OF CHOKING ON A CHICKEN BONE

THIS SIGN SUCKS

THE BLACK CROWN! BUY FROM US BECAUSE OUR OPPONENT IS A SENILE GRANDPA

KAME GAME SHOP – SENILITY IS LOVABLE!

NO IT ISN'T.

YES IT IS!

HE LIES.

BUY SOME PORN AND BE REBORN! DW'S ADULT VIDEO

I DON'T LIE! YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO HUGGLE THE GRANDPA MOTOU PLUSHIES FOR 12.80! THAT INCLUDES TAX! AND, POSSIBLY, SHIPPING!

HE IS SATAN.

LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE!

SEE? HE SET MY PANTS ON FIRE. HE WANTS ME TO BURN.

AKIO'S LEMONADE STAND… BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T BUY OUR LEMONADE, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE CRIMSON TO ANSWER TO. JUST LIKE THE LAST GUY DID.

DAWN MISSES _YOU!_

"o.O Advertisements are weird these days," Ryou observed. Mokuba nodded.

1-1-1

Bakura fearfully requested that Mokuba push the videos through the return slot for him, and Mokuba did so, sweat dropping the entire time.

"You're such a baby, akachan no Bakura," he taunted. Ryou just glared at him and – out of the corner of his eye – Mokuba saw him press two fingers to his Millennium Ring, as if clandestinely making a point that made him feel better. Mokuba suddenly considered the august-looking pendant. He knew that there was a tomb robber living in it… One that wasn't "so nice". This was the first time he had actually considered it – did Ryou wear it all the time? Did the two of them – so like yin and yang – _talk _to each other?

Mokuba soon forgot this though, and Ryou stopped acting like a complete scaredy-cat soon after. They walked down streets that were growing steadily more darkling, and Mokuba hated to admit it but he was enjoying himself. Ryou was just acting a little weird today; that was all. Weird… but chipper. Mokuba decided that he liked Ryou when he was chipper. He was funny… and cute, that way.

Ryou lapsed into a silence when they were about half of the way back to the house.

It was probably because of what had happened yesterday… What _had _happened yesterday? Mokuba wondered.

"I'm sorry about yesterday," Ryou said. Mokuba fell over.

"DEMON MIND-READER!" he screeched. Ryou blinked at him a couple of times.

"Um, excuse me?"

Mokuba blushed with heated embarrassment. "Er, nothing! What about yesterday?"

La la la  
La la la la la  
La la la  
La la la la la)

"You know… My other self shoved you into the doorframe and you passed out. Then he retreated into the bathroom and… bled for a little while." Ryou tilted his head and smiled at him, an eldritch apathy expressed on his face. "It's really making things awkward, ne?"

"I…"

_Wow… _

"Oh, and I'm sorry if I was babying you earlier. I'm sorry. It's just that I _really _couldn't think of anything else to say." Ryou blushed.

"Besides all those other things," Mokuba pointed out.

"Yes, besides those." Ryou grinned slyly at him. Mokuba grinned back.

"Let's talk about Mokuba yelled loudly enough for anyone within a 5 block radius to hear. "Or IT'S MY SCENE/ IT'S MY SCENE/ YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN/ IT'S MY SCENE!"

Ryou doubled over laughing. "O…k…" He smiled. He had been afraid of speaking his mind earlier, but now he decided that joking around would probably lighten the mood – a LOT.

"You would know that commercial by heart, wouldn't you? Adina."

"HEY!"

_How can he jump from subject to subject? From bleeding to babying to Barbies? What an odd guy…_

_He's so hot though._

La la la  
La la la la la  
La la la  
La la la la la)

Author's note: I really had trouble writing this chapter because not many people reviewed. If you don't review, how will I know what aspects of the story you liked! Please, please, please, I'm begging you, leave a review or two.


	5. School Sucks, Part I

Opiy8yobojgoiyvkzuetykghjwqerywqresyfgwreytfvryiewgpirfugjskhD;H;

That's, uh, Uzbek. Yeah, it's Uzbek. It means… "Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, but if I did, this would not be a fan fiction. You'd be watching it on TV. It would be the center of great controversy. Bill O' Reilly would be averse to it's pedophilic nature, Michael Jackson would endorse it, and I would invite him to help me produce it. Then I'd kill him and be crowned Queen of the World for doing the world a favor. Okay, maybe that's going a little far. But I'd win the Nobel Peace prize for sure."

The Uzbekistanis are famous for their "quadruple meaning letters." Er… really. Learn Uzbek.

…

Awkward moment.

…

I do not own Kurama, a lawyer, Peru, any plastic spoons, Toasty-Os, Animal Farm, Cheerios, or da na na na na na na na BATMAN! Also, Akio is Akio the Dragon Master, who gave me permission to put her in this fic. - Thanks Akio-chan!

…I'm gonna dedicate this chappie to Charlie and Dee, who love each other lots. :P And I'm gonna thank Vincey, because his buddy icon gave me an idea for one of the jokes that you're gonna read.

…

Yeah, that's all the people I'm gonna credit. The rest of them suck, and shouldn't be mentioned. Ok! So!

…

Awkward moment #2, it would seem. On with the fic…

Ma Proie

Chapter 5

School Sucks, Part I

It was the next day! GASP! And our primary concern and honored main character, the esteemed Mokuba Kaiba…. Actually, no, screw him. (My lawyer's say that's not legal. But Kurama's my lawyer. What would he know? In any case, I don't recommend it unless you live in New Zealand. Even then, you can't be any older than 14.)

For an esteemed change of pace, let's _not _start off with Mokuba. Even though I haven't started off with Mokuba before, and thusly I am not making any sense to you right now. Are you listening? You can call me Sourchan. I like pie. Moo. Peruvian drug dealers are rich. Alright then…

Let's start off with Little Yugi. 'Cause I wuv him. His honey-colored banks hung in front of his face as he shoved reject-brand cereal into his mouth via a white, plastic spoon.

"You look tired Yugi," Tea said. Actually, what she said was, "You appeared fatigued, comrade Yugi!" but it all means the same thing. Unfortunately, Yugi didn't know that and thought that Tea was just rambling on about something unimportant again. Like eggs. God knows she could go off into a pretty good rant about eggs. Oh, and friendship as well, of course. She had lightened up a bit on those speeches, however, after the whole frying pan incident. Although Yugi would never tell, he didn't think it had been all that funny. Kaiba had gotten so frustrated with Tea that he knocked out a lunch lady and stole a frying pan. He had hurled the heavy object at Tea. She shrieked and jumped out of the way. Joey and Tristan acted outraged, but laughed afterwards. Yugi hadn't laughed. It hadn't been funny, in his opinion. Tea could have been hurt!

Yugi still had a crush on Tea.

Yugi stuck another mouthful of _Toasty-Os _into his mouth. They tasted _exactly _like Cheerios. "I was up late last night, helping Grandpa with the shop," he mumbled in reply. But Tea wasn't listening. Yugi often wondered how much she really listened to him. She was too busy decorating the paper friendship bracelets she had made for everyone. They were hip, apparently, because she had two of them already hanging off of her right wrist. Her left wrist had been adorned with one as well, but the paper had ripped on the way to school due to getting wet due to the rotten deluge that had endeavored to cease their trudging towards school due to life sucking. (Wow, that sentence was long!)

"You have a nice rack, Anzu."

Nope. No effect at all. Not even a hint of a flinch had registered on the Anzu-meter. Yugi blinked. "Huh… Amazing." He leaned forward and… stared. Yah.

…Yes, he did that. He is, after all, Yugi, which is probably Uzbek for "corrupted soul".

"Anzu… I'm being a morally unethical and unconscientious person… Don't you want to yell at me?" A/N: Look, the name Anzu is fuggin' cool. That's just my opinion. So if anybody's going to point out that I used it… Go ahead. I'll probably forget I did anyhow. .

Nothing happened.

" Wow, today rocks!" Yugi grabbed some chocolate milk and chugged it. His eyes suddenly widened. 'Pish, I just zinged myself.'

He stuck out his tongue. "Somebody's tampered with this in more ways than one…" he announced to the ditz who wasn't listening. "…And that's more ways than I want to think about." The small teenager fled to the bathroom.

1-1-1

Now, we'll get to Mokuba soon, I assure you… Really. We will. After this, and a few phone calls I have to make, and after I trek over the river and through the woods so I can eat my grandmother's oatmeal cookies and plot insurance fraud with her. But first, we shall go to Tristan.

Why, you must be surprised! Why Tristan you ask? And why do I keep switching into a 2nd person narrative? Well, for the first question you'll just have to sit tight and find out. For the latter, it's 'cuz I'm ADHD.

I shall now insert some of those 1-1-1 things that are only there because that blessed holy place of yore, won't let me post asterisks. Which are those star things that you get when you press SHIFT + 8.

Boo.

1-1-1

Tristan was moseying through the Domino hallways without his friend Joey, who had casually excused himself to go to the bathroom through a series of handshakes, foot-waggling and throwing-snot-out-of-one's-own-ear exercises. Ah, yes, secret signals were fun. Although Tristan valued the friendship of Yugi Motou, being friend's with Joey was a lot more fun.

For one, Joey was never required to save the world. Just his rep', which was constantly in question.

For two, Joey was just a nut. Yugi came back to Earth sometimes, usually during hangovers. Yugi was _mean _during hangovers, too! But then again, so was Joey sometimes. (Lol.)

For three, Joey didn't have a mystical juju. Now, jujus are not only neat in their own ways, but they are really cool too say. Juju. Go ahead. Say it. You know you want to. Ju… ju. There. Now, these manxome jujus were pretty cool (I bet you don't know how to pronounce manxome. I don't.) in their own quirky ways. Bakura's could locate other Millennium objects, the Millennium Eye could read minds, most of it was pretty clear-cut, trenchant, and utterly specific. But the Millennium Puzzle, Yugi's juju, had no clear meaning. Unless it's "power", as one might call it, came from the fact that it was not delivered pre-assembled, thus having the power to grant seismic headaches. Not that Yugi minded, from what Tea had told him. Apparently Yugi had spent five years on the thing.

Tristan had been spending a lot of time with Tea lately. During the summer he had been utterly lonely due to the fact that Tea had gone to a dance camp in Las Vegas (alright, it was in Longview, Texas, but it was a funny thought) and Yugi had gone to Canada to visit his Aunt Zelda. (Tea spun many tales of Yugi's manxome Aunt Zelda. Apparently she was a lesbian.) Joey had been spending every spare microsecond talking, being with, or thinking about Mai.

Tristan had felt very, very alone. His sister hadn't even visited during the summer break. She would be moving in with him, along with her husband and son (the notorious B.I.G. – I mean brat, Johji) in a month, so he wasn't all that concerned. However, he was still alone! His dad was a geeky kook and his mom worked her tail off all the time, so, he had rediscovered the potency of friendship. …He spent a lot of time with his dad, too. :)

Ironically, he made a lot more enemies after that. It's annoying when a spikehead won't shut up. It's also annoying that a starfishhead is the best duelist around, especially when he's a midget that girls secretly pine for.

Anyhoo, Tristan _had _been spending a _lot _of time with Tea _lately, _and had been ruminating on asking her out for a while now.

So he was kind of perturbed when he entered the cafeteria to see Yugi staring at Anzu's chest area. It also looked like he was trying to _draw attention _to the fact that _he was staring at her chest. _

"My God, the kid has issues," Tristan murmured. Sure, Yugi was his friend, but sometimes he felt like he was his rival. They rivaled over Joey's attention, it could be said. Not that he was interested in Joey that way. No, Tristan was 200 straight. Not only that, but there were girls, too! He dated girls sometimes. Of course, he always had his sister hook him up with them, because otherwise he would never get dates.

Right now, there were girls that were staring at him with wide, frightened, and disbelieving eyes from a corner of the cafeteria.

Yugi then grinned and drank some chocolate milk with celerity. Then, he looked thoroughly disgusted and ran in the general direction of the bathroom.

"Serves him right," Tristan muttered. He went over to Tea and sat down across from her. "Hi Tea!" he greeted her, giving her his awesomenessest smile. Tea, sensing supremely feigned optimism that she would like to humor, looked up… and sneered at him.

"Nice hair, Tristan," she said bluntly. Tristan blinked, then blanched. "What… what do you mean?" He reached up to touch his hair — and screamed in a high pitch before galumphing with celerity out of the room.

1-1-1

Meanwhile, in a limousine near Domino Intermediate…

"Are you wearing clean underwear?" Seto smirked. Mokuba sulked further into his leather seat. Mmm, so squishy. (Manga-related joke)

"Shut up Seto."

"Make me."

"Rrr… I _hate _it when you say that!" Mokuba opened the door of the limo and hopped out. Then he slammed the door in a rage and started walking away. He froze when he realized he'd forgotten something.

Seto laughed at his younger, stupid brother as Mokuba opened up the car door again and retrieved his backpack. "The doggy learned how to fetch," he snickered. Mokuba glared at him.

"What's with you and the bald jokes?"

Seto blinked. "Bald jokes…?"

Mokuba blushed. "I meant to say dog. Slip of the tongue, sorry."

Seto blinked a couple of times. "Uh… okay… Um… BOSTON, STEP ON IT!"

"Yes, sir, Mr. Kaiba!" The limo's wheels squealed as Boston pulled them unsafely out of the semi-circle drive where parents dropped off their kids at Mokuba's middle school.

Mokuba grumbled as a flock of popular, beautiful, and skinny middle school girls gossiped and laughed over Mokuba's idiocy. They had seen him forget his backpack, and they used that very word – "idiocy" – to strike a chord within him as he walked by.

Life sucked when you couldn't beat preps.

1-1-1

I told ya we'd get to Mokuba. Didn't think I was gonna mention him, did you? ;D He's the main character, you dummy/rummy. So don't be silly, 'cuz Trix are for kids until somebody sues.

…What am I talking about? . You tell me.

1-1-1

His rep' was first and foremost, in all situations. It was his rule, his solemn oath of coolness. And Joey had believed in it more than anything… except where his friends were concerned. Ever since he had started hanging out with Yugi, and learning about true friendship, he had clung to that rule as a secondary promise, his _beta_ way of life.

Joey's eyes darted this way and that. Nobody else was in the restroom. It might be safe to make idle conversation… But, that was a girl thing, wasn't it? Ah, well. Time to risk it.

"Yugi, is that you throwing up in there?" Joey knocked on the stall door lightly a couple of times. Hm, maybe that was too much. It seemed too much like an invasion of space. Hm, maybe he should use invasion in conversation one day to sound smart.

"Yeah…" Yugi's voice cracked as he drew out the slang word, letting it play across his dry tongue as long as his sore esophagus would allow it to. His voice wavered, and the sound of him retching followed soon afterwards.

"O.O Holy fuggin' milk gods, batman! You sound _miserable!" _Joey exclaimed. He could hear Yugi retch again.

"Don't ever… mention… milk…"

"Why?"

"Don't ask." Yugi stuck out his tongue. His eyes crossed. He was inflicted by vertigo, his stomach felt horrible and there was, of course, the fact that everything in the toilet had come out of his mouth. (Doesn't that sound ten times worse than saying that he was retching?)

Joey nodded dumbly — "Alright, pal." Joey racked his brain. "Uhm, hey Yug. You know, I heard that wearing looser clothes helps with nausea and vomiting."

"Where did you hear that?" Yugi groaned. "It sounds really farfetched."

"I read it in a book."

"You read?"

"Hey, I—"

"I mean besides those."

"Oh." Joey turned sort of rufescent. "Well, ya see, we had to do this really stupid project on side effects in the fifth grade. My side effect was nausea."

"Does it work if you're already vomiting?"

Joey shrugged, but then remembered that Yugi couldn't see him. "Probably," he advised. Yugi nimbly unbuttoned the shirt of his uniform, revealing the white t-shirt below.

"Hey, Yugi?" said Joey. "Do you want to know a secret?"

"Does it involve pie?" Yugi's voice got softer.

"I'm serious."

"So am I. Pie is dairy-related, and therefore must be avoided. And I'm never eating cheese again. Hell, I'm going vegan."

Joey waved off the amusing thought of Yugi cursing in order to say, "no, it doesn't involve pie, or cheese. But it does involve milk."

"Is this about Kazuki Takahashi's new pasteurization theory? That guys a crack. Sour Schuyler's gettin' su-UED!" The sound of what sounding like three strange barks followed as Yugi threw up again and again in the toilet, which was now smattered with preposterously pink puke.

"Well, I'll tell ya anyway!" Joey smiled pleasantly at the door. This was odd, because it was as if he was talking _to _the door, rather than over, through, under, and over it.

"The secret is—"

1-1-1

Welcome to "The Middle of the Film", and idea that completely rips of _Monty Python's the Meaning of Life. _Look for the fish in the following scene!

_You see a picture of the Terminator, using Teen Titan's Cyborg's cannon arm. Or rather, it is smoking and looks like it has been used. Hilary Duff is running past, screaming, with her hair on fire and a fish shoved into her mouth. Lindsey Lohan is prancing by in red undies for desperate publicity._

And that's all from 'The Middle of the Film'. Eat your vegetables!

1-1-1

"Joey, I don't care what the secret is. I just drank some milk that somebody had vomited into."

"EW!" Joey shouted.

"Yeah. Joey?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I'm about to—" There was a loud _ploom _sound as Yugi's head hit the restroom tile, _hard._

"Yugi!"

1-1-1

"Good morning Kaiba," Ryou said chipperly as Kaiba padded softly into the room and sat down.

Kaiba bore holes through his schoolmate, using his blue eyes for drills. Ryou become as still as a glacier as slowly, the curmudgeon rose to his feet with the air of a really, really fat vampire that _reeaaaaally _wants to kill you but knows that your blood tastes like lemon juice mixed with dog food that's been urinated on.

Kaiba shuffled slowly until he was so close to Ryou that their noses were touching. For one _horrifying _second, Ryou thought that he was going to kiss him. Ew and double ew. …And triple ew.

"Leave me alone," Kaiba breathed — and then he turned around and took his seat.

"o.o; Ok," squeaked Ryou. And I mean, he literally squeaked. Some girl mouse in the corner of the room, she thought he was a giant mouse, and she fell in love with him. She climbed into his lap.

"OO There's a mouse on my lap!" Ryou yelled. Kaiba didn't look up. Ryou sighed. "Hello mousey," he said, petting the mouse gently.

1-1-1

"Oh my God oh my God oh my God," said Tristan, as he put gel in his hair rapidly. He had been thinking about Shaman King when he woke up this morning, and he had shaped his hair like Wooden Sword Ryu's cut-off pompadour. "Oh my God, and those girls saw too!" Tristan groaned. "I'm such a loser…"

"Yes, you are," said a blonde girl. "You're in the girls bathroom."

"O.O Sorry!" squeaked Tristan. He scrambled out the door and into a short, dark-haired girl wearing dorky Limited Too clothing.

"Hey!" she shouted. Then she looked at the door, sweat dropping. And eerie feeling came over her. "That… _is _the girl's bathroom… _right?_"

"I'm really a girl," Tristan joked. Instead of laughing, the girl gave a huge sigh of relief.

"Oh! Alright then." She went into the bathroom, truly believing that Tristan was a girl.

1-1-1

The substitute teacher was taking roll. "Tea?" she called out.

Tea straightened up in her seat, folding her hands neatly on her lap. "Here, ma'am."

"Suck up!" chorused the entire class. She stuck her pink tongue out at them.

"Tristan?"

"Present."

"Kaiba?"

"…"

"Kaiba, if you don't say here, I'm going to mark you absent," the teacher warned the rebelling polymath.

"Here," he said moodily. Usually he wouldn't listen to a stupid ukase from a substitute teacher, but he figured that the poor woman had enough on her hands having to deal with… Joey. She hadn't even gotten to him on the roster yet. The poor woman. Her blood pressure was never going to be the same again.

"Thank you." She nodded curtly in Kaiba's direction. Kaiba, disgruntled, when back to his book.

"Psst," said the girl next to him. Tristan, who happened to hear the sound, turned around (rhyme time!) and blushed as he realized it was the same girl who had caught him in the girls' bathroom. She hoped he didn't tell anyone.

"What?" Kaiba whispered back rudely. He sounded like he loathed the ground she walked on. Probably — after all, Akio never would leave him alone during class. She always pestered him with stupid questions like:

"Why doesn't your uniform flare out in the back?"

Kaiba blinked. "Excuse me?"

"You know… Like your trench coats always do."

"This isn't a trench coat," Kaiba informed her tartly.

"Yeah, but still! Almost all your clothes defy physics! I bet if you had a nightcap it would point straight up instead of lolling over to one side."

"And I would wear a nightcap… _Why…?_"

"To show off how your clothing doesn't like stasis!"

Kaiba sighed loudly. "You're discursive. It annoys me."

"Well, you're rude. That annoys _me. _Plus, you're rich but you won't let me borrow lunch money from you."

"The lunches are FREE!"

"Still!" Akio persevered.

"Well, you know, the CFO of my company is rich and rude too, but you don't hear _me _calling her a fainéant, fiduciary fiend, now do you? Not to her face, now, now do you? Huh? Huh?" Kaiba's right eye was twitchy in the most unhealthy way.

"You're stuttering," Akio pointed out.

"You're MAKING me stutter!" Kaiba accused.

Hanasaki stared at Kaiba. "I think you broke him!" he declared. Akio laughed. Kaiba glared at both of him, his hubris shattered.

"Sorry," Akio apologized — with a smirk. It was then that the sub came to Joey's name on the roster.

"Joey."

"PRESENTS FOR ME?" Joey said, looking excited. The sub gave him a half-lidded, 'don't you dare piss all over me' look.

"Ryou?"

"Present," came the delightful British accent. Multiple squeals from fangirls in the back of the room were heard. Ryou blushed and set his head down on the desk so that he was staring out the window. Incipient gray clouds were congregating at this one point in the sky, a little south-east from the sun. The entire world grew a bit darker as these circumambient clouds overtook the sun.

"Who put out the sun?" Joey said fearfully, jumping out his seat and into Tristan's arms, just like Scooby Doo would. Just like Shaggy, Tristan let Joey tumble to the floor.

"Yugi?"

"He's in the nurse's office," Joey asseverated. He sounded doltish. Ryou mused to himself that Joey always sounding doltish.

"He is?" Tristan said, wide-eyed.

"Yeah. He passed out after drinking… er… sour… milk."

Ryou snorted. "That sounds like a lie, by the way you said it."

"Well…" Joey sweated. "It _does _have to do with milk. Tell you later."

"YUGI'S ON DRUGS!" some strident kid in the back shouted.

"Oo;;" went the entire class, who liked to shout things in unison. "DRUGGIE!"

"Oo;;" went Joey.

1-1-1

Poor Mokuba was one of the unfortunate saps that had to have P.E. first period. He tried not to let his eyes wander onto the forms of various guys in partial-nudity. Last time one person had been caught staring, they had gotten a wedgie on the top of the flagpole.

He wondered what Seto was up to, then he wondered what Ryou was up to, and then he wondered what Yugi was up to.

"Hurry up Kaiba!" the nefarious coach shouted. "I'll count you absent if you're not here in FOUR SECONDS!"

"O.O But I haven't even started getting dressed out yet!" he protested, as he hurried as fast as he could. And then he realized: "Um… coach... you're a girl, why are you in here?"

"SUPERVISING YOU PUNKS PERFORCE!" she declared.

"O.O RAPIST!" Mokuba yelled. The woman glared at him. She reminded him of Kristy from the Babysitter's Club, only with blond hair. It was done in a ponytail that was pulled back through her cap, just like Kristy would've worn it.

Yes, Mokuba was also a fan of the Babysitter's Club. But, hey, in his defense, those _are _good books… for chicks. :D

"Who?" she demanded, giving Mokuba the evil eye. That evil eye wandered, though, over Mokuba's torso. He wasn't wearing a shirt in his state of dishabille.

"Um… Michael… Michael Jackson?" he suggested hopefully. The teacher nodded and adjusted her purple baseball cap before saying, "Alright boys, let's go!"

"o.O Whew!" said Mokuba. His friend Eduardo came over and patted him on the back.

"It's okay, man," he said in his best Pedro impression. "We're going to start a Round Robin to get her fired."

"Thank God," said Mokuba.

1-1-1

Yugi was in the cafeteria. By nurse's orders, he had to eat the slop that the lunch ladies were serving in an effort to re-fill his tummy. So, he had gotten… three chocolate puddings and two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

"Eat your beans!" a buxom lunch lady yelled at him. He stared at her face.

"…How do you keep all the pimples off your face when you work with all that grease everyday?" he asked. The lunch lady, instead of being mad and blackguarding the noisy youth, acted flattered that Yugi actually cared. (He didn't really.)

"I use lots of Stridex," she told him. "And nothing else, because I've found that other acne solvents seem to fight against each other and cancel each other out."

"Oh! ." was Yugi's reply. "I guess that makes sense."

"You're a nice kid," the lady praised. "So I'm going to let you in on a little secret."

"What?" asked Yugi, leaning forward to hear her better.

". Don't eat the brownies this afternoon, because instead of nuts, we're using broccoli bits," she disclosed to him. Yugi nodded understandingly… then stuck out his tongue.

"Ew," he said, "broccoli bits?"

The lunch lady nodded sadly. "Yes — you try improvising, and see what you get." Then she walked/lumbered/waddled back to the kitchen.

The lunch lady didn't bother him anymore after that.


	6. School Sucks, Part II

Ma Proie

Chapter 6

School Sucks, Part II

Yugiwas finishing his third chocolate pudding when the lunch lady opened the sliding doors. Cool, refreshing air undulated into the room. ". It's fressssssh," Yugi hissed happily. The Pharaoh sweat dropped at his aibou's snake-like paean.

The lunch lady whom Yugi had talked to earlier smiled at Yugi. "You can go outside, if you like," she said. Yugi's eyes lit up.

"Really!" he screeched. The Pharaoh slammed his hands over his ears even though he was made out of ectoplasm at the time.

"Uh-huh," she said sweetly. "Just tell the hall monitor that Mrs. Brownie said you could go on through."

". Okay!" Yugi got up and cleared away his tray before running outside. The lucky monitor that had outside duties name was Jiyako. It sounded like a girl's name. He was related to Ushio, and so Yugi didn't like him all that much. He seemed a lot more benign that his cousin, though.

"Yugi, why are you out here?" Jayako asked, stopping him. Yugi froze, sweat dropping.

"Um… Mrs. Brownie said I could hang out outside for a little while."

Jiyako smiled. "Oh, sure. Go ahead. I'm sure my mom has nice judgment."

Yugi smiled back. "Thanks." He started to walk down the gravel path that surrounding the school a bit, before he fell over roughly. "His MOM?" he shouted.

/Aren't you supposed to be eating now/

"I should take advantage of my good fortune though, this benison that allows me to go outside. Fresh air is good — right?"

/Sometimes people are so stupid, it makes me disagree./

Yugi sweat dropped.

1-1-1

P.E. had been horrible. Their coach hadn't been their coach that long, but she was already acting as if she knew everybody's story. She also refused to leave the boys' locker room.

"Creepy bitch!" one boy yelled. "Unless you're purblind, get the Hell out of here!"

"You're taking a trip to the office," the woman said angrily. "And you're going there, _right now._"

"O.O But I'm half-dressed!" said the boy, was standing there in tighty whities.

"O.O" went some of the other guys. Others just hurried up to get dressed more quickly.

"I don't care! NOW, MARCH!"

The boy opened his mouth to protest, but he was saved by the bell. He grabbed his pants and put them on, and then _ran _out of the locker room, scared and scarred for lie.

The evil coach turned away. Mokuba put his shirt and shoes on, and then he went out into the hallway. He wasn't going to go to the office — she wouldn't even check to see if he had, so there really wasn't any point in going when he could avoid it.

"Evil bitch," Eduardo murmured in a thick Spanish accent. "She's going to rape us all some day."

Mokuba sniggered as he exited the boys' locker room. He happened to know that she was going to get fired very soon, even before the Round Robin would start. He would make sure, that his brother would make sure, of that. Heh.

He decided to spend the rest of the class eschewing the attention of the hall monitors. He darted through the back doors of the school just as the five-minute bell rang. The soccer team was playing a practice game in the field, and the coach was watching them with pride. Then…

"Kick the ball, Fudge!" 'Fudge' slipped and fell into the mud.

"Oh no," shouted the entire soccer team. "Tommy did it again!"

Fudge glared at them. "Shut up, Pet-ah," he said specifically to one of the older boys on the team.

Mokuba darted away, glad to get some time to think. He couldn't tell his brother, but he had been skipping class a lot lately. If he skipped three more, he wouldn't be exempt from the finals, but those were always easy for a bright boy such as him. It was getting his big brother in trouble he was afraid of.

Yeah… But fresh air was good.

…But seriously, though? Wasn't the coach at least _afraid _of getting fired? Crazy harradin.

1-1-1

Yugi eschewed the side of his school where his classroom was located as he galumphed down the path. His school was actually close to a picturesque grove of trees that were wet with the light drops of rain that fell all around him. Yugi didn't mind being wet, though.

The verdant, riparian scenery was refreshing after the scenes of hot, greasy food being cooked. Yugi's stomach flopped out on him. He couldn't imagine actually _eating _that stuff, and yet Joey had second helpings everyday.

"Joey's going to die from too much cholesterol," Yugi decided. He looked up at surging sky.

"I wonder what we're doing in class today," he wondered aloud.

1-1-1

"And that's how George Washing Carver invented the chain saw!" the silly simpering sub said. (Try saying that five times fast.)

"O.O Did you say George _Washing _Carver?"

"The _chain saw?_"

"What about peanut butter?"

"Did he like porn magazines?"

Everyone paused to give Joey a pursed-lip, before looking at their sub, hopelessly confused.

"To answer your question, Hanasaki, peanut butter hasn't been invented yet!" the sub declared. Ryou groaned and placed his head on his desk, looking outside again. This sub was either bibulous or just plain dumb. He suspected the former, because nobody could say that peanut butter didn't exist with a huge smile like that and then continue teaching. It was just crazy.

The good thing about this substitute was that her brio made everybody hang on to every word that came out of her meticulously-lipsticked mouth. –If lipsticked is a word, that is.

The bad thing was, not one thing she had taught them that day had been correct. She had confused the word _homo sapiens _with _bananas, _had mixed up the Bay of Pigs with the Pay of Bigs, which she claimed was the day the stock market was created. (Ryou had actually seen Kaiba hitting himself over the head with his textbook when she informed them of _that._)

"Eating oranges in the bathroom is encouraged in California," the sub said. Tea rolled her eyes. Tristan raised his hand. "Yes?"

"My friend's cousin got arrested for that."

1-1-1

"YES I DID!" shouted Max Devlin from behind bars. If you can't figure it out, he's Duke's cousin.

1-1-1

"YOU'RE LYING!" shouted the teacher. Ryou rolled his eyes. The rain was starting to pour outside. He saw a flash or red, black, and yellow outside.

"Oo …Yugi?" he whispered to himself. "No way."

1-1-1

Yugi ran back inside as the weather started becoming really inclement. Mrs. Brownie was nowhere to be seen, so he changed his indoor and outdoor shoes quickly before settling down with a CD player and a copy of the _Marshall Mathers LP._

1-1-1

"Hi Nancy." Mokuba greeted one of his acquaintances in the hallway. She turned and glared at him with huge, quivering, bloodshot eyes that bulged out of her sockets.

"What do you want?" she demanded inarticulately. Her mouth was huge, and had three rows of teeth in it. Mokuba was reminded of one of the monsters on the cover of a Goosebumps book… Now, which one was it? Oh, geez, this was going to bother him all day.

"Just wanted to say hi." Mokuba bowed politely before heading down the hall to his usual class. Eduardo, who was basically his _only _friend, was in Class A, while Mokuba was in Class D. The only time they saw each other was in the morning and during P.E. Unlike the high school, Mokuba's middle school stayed on the traditional path and kept lunches in the classrooms. This sucked for Mokuba, because he didn't have a friend in his entire class. Upon entering the classroom, he could feel several guys stare at him with intense eyes. He tried not to shudder as he made his way over to his seat — front row, closest to the door.

"Hi Mokuba." One of the snooty girls who had seen him forget his backpack that morning greeted him in a flirty voice. Mokuba wished that Ryou was here. It was mean, but Mokuba knew that all of the pompous cheer-dicks would be bothering _Ryou _instead of him. And besides that, they would be _exalting _Ryou. All they did to him was make fun of him. There were rumors that one cheerleader actually had a crush on him, but Mokuba didn't know which one and they were probably false.

_Besides, you like Ryou, right? _

Mokuba sighed and cradled his chin with his palm, looking out the window.

_Of course I do. He's all that you've thought about since I entered this hellhole this morning. Why am I speaking to myself in second person about it?_

_Because you're crazy._

_Oh. …This makes me seem really schizophrenic, don't you think?_

_Well… _I _don't care…_

_Oh. I see how it is, you son of a—_

"Kaiba!" Mokuba blinked and snapped to the attention of his old, cranky teacher. She had high cheekbones and whitish-gray hair pulled back tightly into a bun. She wore dark blue nightgowns that she claimed were "school appropriate" even though if she didn't wear underwear everybody would know. It was sickening.

"Y…Yes ma'am?"

"PAY ATTENTION YOU LITTLE SHIT!" she shouted. Mokuba's hair flew back.

"Wow," he whispered. "Who knew that you had that much lung power?" The prep sitting behind Mokuba giggled.

"What did you say?" Mrs. Grin (a totally inappropriate misnomer) demanded.

"No, ma'am."

"GOOD!"

Mokuba sighed. The school sucked. Of course, his school was infamous in the district for hiring horrible teachers. That was just his luck. He was glad that he was getting transferred to Eduardo's classroom soon. When the School Board demanded that Mokuba quit his job for two months, Kaiba had only consented on the grounds that Mokuba could switch classes. He was switching tomorrow, so it was alllll good.

In the meantime, Mokuba pretended to stare at the chalkboard and the crab apple standing in front of it, hitting it with her pointer and occasionally hitting a student or two. Mokuba eyes glazed over a bit as he drifted off, wondering how Ryou was doing. Mokuba was willing to be that Ryou had his own claque that followed him around everywhere and that cried when anybody said anything mean about him. What Mokuba wouldn't give for one of _those_.

While Mrs. Grin was lecturing, Mokuba was wondering how Ryou's hair would do fare as a pillow, which he sorely needed because his desk was too hard and Mrs. Grin's words too stridently somniferous (an oxymoron). Mokuba felt somebody tap him on the shoulder. He looked up. The prep behind him clapped her hand against her mouth and giggled as she passed Mokuba a note. Mokuba unfolded it and read it.

_Maybe you should stop barfing in toilets. _

1-1-1

"Da na na na schna na na schna na na, na na./Schna na na na na na na na, na na, na na./Translation: So you can suck my dick if you don't like, my shit./'Cos I was high when I wrote this so suck, my dick."

"O.O Yugi?"

Yugi leapt off of the lunch table sheepishly. "HI MIHO! HOW ARE YOU!" he shouted in a too-loud voice.

"Um, hi," Miho said quickly. "You were singing."

"Well… maybe just a little…" Yugi offered up another repentant grin.

"What… What were you listening to?"

"Um, Eminem?" Yugi said. Miho stared at him. "What?"

"Nothing…" Miho sat down next to him. "It's just that you're usually so diffident… And you were lying _on _the lunch table. That kind of surprised me…"

"Only kind of?" Yugi said, pretending to be hurt.

Miho opened up a brown paper bag. "I have to eat lunch earlier than everyone else so I can help out in the library during everybody else's lunch," she disclosed. "It's lonely."

"Oh. Well, I'm here." Yugi blushed even as he said it. Miho just nodded.

1-1-1

"Alright, so, before we go to lunch, who can tell me who discovered electricity?"

Joey's hand shot up. Severel people looked like this: O.O Ooh.

"Yes, Joey?" lilted the teacher.

"Your mom!" Joey shouted. He then started laughing raucously. Several people looked like this: ;;

"Joseph—"

"It's JOEY!"

"—Joey, please try to be serious about this. We're having a pop quiz over this after lunch."

"O.O" _Everybody _started taking notes.

1-1-1

There had been an awkward lacuna in the conversation. Yugi played with the wire that connect his headphones to his CD player, wrapping it around his finger and then unwrapping it before wrapping it again.

"So, Yugi…" She took a bite of her tuna fish sandwich. "Do you still like Tea?"

Yugi's blush darkened, deepened. "Uhmm… Why do you ask?"

"Just wondering." Miho took another bite. "Actually some guy wanted to go on a date with me, but I told him only if it was a double date. So I was going to take Tea… and I thought maybe you."

Yugi's ears turned pink. "M-Me?" he asked. "Why…? Tea doesn't like me."

Miho shrugged. "You never know! She certainly badmouths you a lot less than Joey and Tristan."

Yugi picked at the table. "Yeah…" He sighed sadly. Miho looked up at him.

"What's wrong, Yugi?" she asked.

"Um, nothing." Yugi stood up. "I have to go to the bathroom. See ya."

Miho shrugged. "Okay, bye." She watched Yugi's back as he disappeared down the hallway.

1-1-1

After lunch Yugi went back to class. He avoided seeing everyone at lunch, instead conversing with his Dark.

He was going to wish he had stayed in the bathroom talking to his other self about what a loser he was and how he would never drink chocolate milk ever, ever again.

The pop quiz was, in itself, impossible, and left the students disconsolate. Kaiba, who was known for being punctilious, was now in a stunned daze. Joey looked devastated. Tea sighed. Yugi blinked cutely; _he _hadn't taken the quiz because he wasn't there to "learn" the "material".

Ryou's languid eyes focused once again on the Heavens above. The empyrean blanket of clouds was swelling and surging; the rain was going to be fairly heavy by the time they left school.

"And everyone should get along…" the sub mumbled to herself. "Okay children quiet down, quiet down." No one was talking. "Children I'd like to introduce our new substitute teacher for the day. His name is Mr. Shady. Children quiet down please." Again, no one was talking. "Joey don't throw that."

"Shut up!" whispered Joey perverfidly. He hadn't been about to throw anything.

"Mr. Shady will be your new substitute while I am out with pneumonia."

The entire class stared at her.

"You've got AIDS," one kid near the back dare to say.

"Good luck Mr. Shady."

The already quiet class quieted down to form the ne plus ultra of the already dangerously profound silence. They stared at the rapper that was to teach their health class.

"Hi there little boys and girls," Mr. Shady began. Suddenly the spirit of the Ring took over Ryou's body.

"Nuff you!" he yelled. Slim Shady went on unabashedly. Several students stared at 'Bakura', thinking that that was very out of character. Of course they didn't know that it was the _other _Ryou.

"Today we're gonna learn how to poison squirrels."

Several of the students brightened and sat up in their seats.

"But first I'd like you to meet my friend Bob."

"Huh?" said Bakura.

"Say hi Bob!"

"Hi Bob," chorused the whole class languidly.

"Bob's thirty and still lives with his mom

And he don't got a job, cause Bob sits at home and smokes pot  
But his twelve-year old brother looks up to him an awful lot  
And bob likes to hang out at the local waffle spot  
And wait in the parkin lot for waitresses off the clock  
When it's late and the lot gets dark and fake like he walks his dog  
Drag 'em in the woods and go straight to the chopping blocks

"Aaaah!" screamed several of the girls in the class. It should be noted that during this time, Akio laughed sadistically.

"And even if they escaped and they got the cops, the ladies would all be so afraid, they would drop the charge," Eminem told them. "'Til one night Mrs. Stacey went off the job, when she felt someone grab her whole face and said not to talk.

But Stacey knew it was bob and said knock it off  
But Bob wouldn't knock it off cause he's crazy and off his rocker  
Crazier than slim shady is off the vodka  
You couldn't even take him to dre's to get bob a dr.  
He grabbed Stace' by the legs as chopped it off her  
And dropped her off in the lake for the cops to find her  
But ever since the day Stacey went off to wander  
They never found her, and Bob still hangs at the waffle diner  
And that's the story of Bob and his marijuana,  
And what it might do to you

"So see if the squirrels want any - it's bad for you," Eminem told them.

The substitute clapped her hands languidly and sang, "See children, drugs are bahhhd."

"C'mon."

"And if you don't believe me, ask ya dahhhd."

"Ask him man."

"And if you don't believe him, ask ya mom."

"That's right."

"She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time."

"She will."

"So kids say no to drugs.

"That's right."

"So you don't act like everyone else does."

"Uh-huh."

"Then there's really nothin else to say."

"Sing along!" the new sub shouted.

"Drugs are just bad, mmm'kay?"

Every student stared at one of the two substitutes with wide eyes.

"My # is the size of a peanut, have you seen it?"

Several students gasped at the inappropriateness.

"&) no you ain't seen it, it's the size of a peanut."

"Huh?" decried Tea confusedly.

"Speakin of peanuts, you know what else is bad for squirrels? Ecstasy is the worst drug in the world. If someone ever offers it to you, don't do it; Kids two hits'll probably drain all your spinal fluid.

And spinal fluid is final, you won't get it back  
So don't get attached, it'll attack every bone in your back  
Meet Zach, twenty-one years old

Once again, there was nobody else in the room. Eminem acted as if there was, though.

"After hangin out with some friends at a frat party, he gets bold and decides to try five, when he's bribed by five guys.

And peer pressure will win every time you try to fight it  
Suddenly, he starts to convulse and his pulse goes into hyper drive  
And his eyes roll back in his skull blblblblblb  
His back starts tah - look like the McDonald's arches  
He's on Donald's carpet, layin horizontal barfin bleh  
And everyone in the apartment starts laughin at him  
Hey Adam, Zach is a jackass, look at him!  
Cause they took it too, so they think it's funny  
So they're laughing at basically nothing except maybe wasting his money  
Meanwhile, Zach's in a coma, the action is over  
And his back and his shoulders hunched up like he's practicin yoga

Akio's eyes became shifty at the mention of yoga.

"And that's the story of Zach, the ecstasy maniac. So don't even feed that to squirrels class, cause it's bad for you," said Mr. Slim Shady.  
Tea shuddered at the story. Akio sniffled for the squirrels. ("Stephanie!")

Again the substitute clapped her hands languidly and sang, "See children, drugs are bahhhd."

"C'mon."

"And if you don't believe me, ask ya dahhhd."

"Ask him man."

"And if you don't believe him, ask ya mom."

"That's right."

"She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time."

"She will."

"So kids say no to drugs.

"Smoke crack."

"So you don't act like everyone else does."

"Uh-huh."

"Then there's really nothin else to say."

"Sing along!" the new sub shouted.

"Drugs are just bad, mmm'kay?"

"And last but not least, one of the most humongous problems among young people today, is fungus. It grows from cow manure, they pick it out, wipe it off, bag it up, and you put it right in your mouth and chew it.

Yum yum! Then you start to see some dumb stuff  
And everything slows down when you eat some of 'em..  
And sometimes you see things that aren't there

"Like what?" asked Tristan.

"Like fat woman in g-strings with orange hair.

"Mr. Shady what's a G-String?" Joey said to be funny. A couple students snickered.

"It's yarn Claire. Women stick 'em up their behinds, go out and wear 'em."

"Huh?"

"And if you swallow too much of the magic mushrooms — whoops, did I say magic mushrooms? I meant fungus. Ya tongue gets all swoll up like a cow's tongue."

"How come?" Nezumi interjected.

"Cause it comes from a cow's dung," explicated the rapping sub.

"Gross!" shouted Tea.

"See drugs are bad, it's a common fact. But your mom and dad know that's all that I'm good at."

"Oh!"

"But don't be me," Slim Shady begged, "cause if you grow up and you go and OD, they're gonna come for me and I'ma have to grow a goatee and get a disguise and hide, cause it'll be my fault. So don't do drugs, and do exactly as I don't,

Cause I'm bad for you

"See children, drugs are bahhhd."

"C'mon."

"And if you don't believe me, ask ya dahhhd."

"Ask him man."

"And if you don't believe him, ask ya mom."

"That's right."

"She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time."

"She will."

"So kids say no to drugs.

"Say no."

"So you don't act like everyone else does."

"Uh-huh."

"Then there's really nothin else to say."

"Sing along!" the new sub shouted.

"Drugs are just bad, mmm'kay?"

"Come along children, clap along."

"Shut up!" mou hitori no Bakura yelled.

"Sing along children."

"Suck my mothernuffing dick!"

"Drugs are just bad, drugs are just bad."

"South Park is gonna sue me!"

Mou hitori no Ryou blinked. Where had _that _statement come from?

"So don't do drugs."

"Suck my mothernuffing ," another random jack said.

"So there'll be more for me."

"Hippie! God damn it! Mushrooms killed Kenny!"

Joey farted.

"Ewww!" shouted Tristan. "Ahhh!"

". So nuffed up right now," mumbled Yugi. The song ended and Mr. Slim Shady left the room. The entire class was relieved to be free from the restrictions of the conflict.

"The exegesis for this had better be good," Kaiba mumbled, "or I am suing so bad."

Akio nodded. "Wait… what's an exegesis?" she inquired. Kaiba smacked his forehead. "Hey, don't be angry. I have blackmail that I can sell you."

"_Sell _me?" Kaiba raised an eyebrow. "And I would pay for it, _why_?"

"Because I don't have lunch money and it's the right thing to do."

"Oh, yes, pardon me for forgetting that dealing with 'blackmail' is always the 'right thing to do'."

"I grant you my pardon," Akio said gleefully. Kaiba sweat dropped. "Now will you give me the 4.99 or what?"

"O.O It cost _that much _just to buy lunch?" Kaiba was bewildered.

"Yeah… er… Yes, yes it does."

"Fine." Kaiba forked over the money. "So now what is this blackmail material that you wanted to tell me?"

"Well…"

1-1-1

Ryou wasn't feeling very well. He thought that perhaps it had to do with his lapse of memory during Health Class. His umbrage was pointing towards the other him, but he could never be sure. The Spirit of the Ring arrived just as clandestinely as he/it absconded; if it weren't for the (usually obvious) changes in scenery, Ryou might never know that he had been possessed. The Spirit was like that. The Millennium Ring's thaumaturgy was… _crazy. _Not evil, just… _crazy._

The Spirit, however odd it sounded, wasn't all bad to any extent. As noted before, mou hitori no Bakura was merely _crazy, _not evil. His avarice stemmed from a thirst for revenge which stemmed from a childhood trauma (and no, his mother did not hit him with a brick). Sometimes the Spirit would even regale Ryou with tales of his extant memories. Granted, nearly all these memories ending with the tomb robber killing somebody and sometimes the subplots ran together like... runny... paint, but they were pretty cool anyway. Ryou and the Spirit could exist in aberrant comity… most of the time.


	7. The Sun's On Drugs

_Is the sun too busy getting wasted to rise? _

Thin beams of sunshine slowly poured themselves through the slats in Mokuba's blinds. He stared outside, at their origin, longingly, trying to will the sun to come up.

"Come on, hurry up…"

Finally, half of the sun smiled at him, the other half still caught underneath the horizon. Mokuba smiled grimly. He wasn't waiting any more.

Getting up and heading down the hall, he made his way towards the computer room.

"Jeez! That is one _loooong _hallway."

Don't I know it, brudda. Anyway, Seto was sitting at the computer, his back stiff, his eyes perpetually trained on the monitor. Images from the screen reflected hauntingly in his eyes, dancing and mixing with his irises.

"NIISAMA!"

Seto jumped at least two feet into the air. "Mokuba," he said, clutching at his breast, (I meant heart, you dummy,) "you nearly gave me a heart attack!"

"Must I cardiac arrest you to keep you from working?" Mokuba sighed. Making his way over to the computer, he saved everything that was up before telling the computer to shut down.

"Hey! What the—"

"Go to sleep, Seto!" Mokuba commanded. "It's not fair that you should get to have all the fun when I'm sleeping."

"Sorry," Seto teased, "but I can't help it. 'Fun' is attracted to me like a magnet."

"The only reason a magnet would be attracted to you is if you wore the white trench coat will all of the shiny buckles," Mokuba threw back. Seto's smile faded.

"Fine," he groaned. He got up slowly, the boots making the only sound in the room against the floor. "I'll go. I'll get some sleep."

"Good." Mokie grinned largely.

"…Tonight. It's almost time for me to go to work now." Seto pulled down one eyelid and stuck out his tongue. "Be-daaaaaaa!"

Mokuba pouted.

1-1-1

That afternoon, which Mokuba enjoyed "sorta," being in the company of Ryou, wasn't a highly unusual day. There were, however, highly unusual shades of pink that tinted both boys' faces when they weren't looking at each other, that they (highly unusually) never saw on the face of the other.

Other than thinking of Ryou, Mokuba's thoughts kept straying to his elder brother, and whether he was getting enough sleep to be deemed healthy. Mokuba desperately wished that Seto would actually ask for his help, a dream upon a dream. Maybe someday he would actually use those words… "Mokuba, I need your help."

Ryou, who was coming down with strep throat, sat a few feet away from Mokuba in precaution, his selfishness for Mokuba's presence overpowering his concern for Mokuba's health. In any case, Ryou had decided, a strep throat would be a GREAT excuse for Mokuba not to go to school, and keeping Mokuba at home was like helping an old lady across the street. Mokuba HATED, absolutely abhorred and detested and HATED, school. This Ryou had found out.

Anyway, so the late morning found the two of them in the crusher's bedroom. Furk was napping because he had suddenly remembered that his species was nocturnal, Mokuba was trying to induce a seizure from playing too many video games, and Ryou was trying to figure out whether _Dracula _was a sex fiend or a demon.

"What are you reading, Bakurasan?" asked Mokuba, who was sitting as close as he could to Ryou without it being suspiciously close.

"Dracula," Ryou said, "by Bram Stoker."

Mokuba looked interested. "Really?"

"Yes. See, look. It even says right here, it's a Barnes & Noble classic." Ryou smiled as he showed it to Mokuba. "Barnes & Noble is such a good store. It's banging."

"I'll give you a dollar if you say that again."

"Don't make fun of me," Ryou snapped authoritatively. After all, _he _was the babysitter, and _he _didn't want his choice of words to be made fun of.

"Fine." Mokuba smiled to himself, though. "It's simply _smashing, _after all."

"Oh behave!" Ryou quoted, flipping the page and grousing to himself under his breath. "So what game are you playing?"

"Grand Theft Auto 3."

"Are you serious? I thought you were joking when you said you had that game. You know, like Pegasus claims he's straight, but we _all_ know…" Ryou let his voice trail off. Then he said something else, but Mokuba's laughter cut Ryou off.

"No way! I get whatever games I want. And that's so true. Pegasus probably _is _gay."

"Did he try to molest you on Duelist Kingdom?"

"No, but… maybe he wanted Seto."

The two boys duly cracked up, although Ryou couldn't help but worry at how spoiled Mokuba sounded when he said that he was allowed to play whatever games he fancied. He sounded more spoiled than Dudley in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone—or Philosopher's Stone, whatever.

"So… your house." Ryou decided to change the subject from Pegasus to Mokuba's immense opulence. "You're not exactly a cabin-born kid, huh?"

"People aren't really born in cabins," Mokuba said, though he sounded unsure, and added, "are they?"

" I was born in a cabin," Ryou told him proudly.

"No way."

"Yes way! I even got to go back there once! It was almost completely _submerged _by what I can only call a rampant _field _of kudzu. My mother said, 'See Ryou, you were born there!' and I was like, 'Where!' all bewildered and such, and she took my arm and made me point to this wall of green and said, 'Can you see through that window?' and I was all like, 'What window?'"

"Lol."

"I'll give _you_ a dollar if you say that."

"Ryou…!" Mokuba laughed.

"You're so gullible. Why would I be born in a cabin? And my mother wouldn't of…" Ryou's face darkened, and he suddenly seemed a lot older than anybody Mokuba could possibly date without the other person being ass-hauled to jail for pedophilia. "Well, let's just say that wasn't my mother's style…"

1-1-1

"I don't think milk helps a sore throat, Ryou," Mokuba advised worriedly. Ryou cast a treacly, albeit haggard smile in Mokuba's direction, glad that at least one person was concerned for his health. Malik, the fool, he couldn't even figure out what was wrong with him—heck, Malik didn't even know what the thermostat was for!

"Oh well," Ryou said, pouring some milk anyway. Hey, it was free milk. Sorta.

"Are you still learning about samurai and shogun and such?" Ryou asked, stirring cocoa powder into his milk.

"Yeah," Mokuba answered. "We're still learning about it. I think I'm starting to actually appreciate it now. The whole shogun-emperor set-up was actually pretty ingenious, and it's like—why are you staring at me?"

Ryou tore his chocolate brown eyes away, his hair hiding his effusive blush. "I wasn't," he lied.

Mokuba's gray eyes remained trained on Ryou nonetheless, animatedly bubbling with something that Ryou didn't quite get, but it looked an awful lot like pride, and/or excitement.

"Oh! The cleaning woman's coming later today… I think you know her," Mokuba said.

"Dun, dun, duuuuuuun," said Ryou.

1-1-1

It was later.

1-1-1

It was a bit after later now. Mokuba was somewhere. We won't tell you where. Hah.

"Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow."

Ryou looked up from his book, bewildered. With wild eyes he looked frantically both ways. Seeing nothing to indicate the whereabouts of the mysterious ululator, he shrugged and went back to his reading.

"Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow."

Ryou jumped a foot in the air. He had been startled like a curled-up cat reposing in the sunshine when suddenly a little kid comes up and blows a foghorn right in the cat's ear in a largely cartoonish fashion. The crappy couch's decrepit legs splintered with a deafening crack before they broke completely. The sofa sunk to the floor."

"O.O … . … >.>" Ryou got up and sat on another couch. "He'll never know…"

"I'll never know what?" Mokuba asked as he limped into the room. Ryou recoiled in horror.

"Uh, nothing!"

"Oh. Ok." Mokuba ran over towards him.

…except he fell over…

…and hit his nose.

"-.-' Ah. Shiitake mushrooms." Mokuba cursed as he clambered to his feet. He used two fingers to pinch the bridge of his nose. Drawing them way a second later, he found that they were red.

"Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow," he chanted. Ryou regarded him with a thunderstruck gaze.

"Mokuba, are you alright?" he enquired.

_"Ryou!" _Mokuba ran and glomped him in a friendly way. "Guess what?"

"Um… dunno," said Ryou, who had to grapple and hug Mokuba back to keep from falling over. This resulted in a scene that looked really… strange. Unfortunately for Ryou, Isis came in just then.

"oO"

"Oo Isis?" Ryou creid… cride… cried! Yes, that's it. Let me try this again.

"Oo Isis?" Ryou cried. "What are you doing here? I thought that Malik said that you had made like a bird and gone to Egypt for the winter." Ryou's eyes had buggered out. Isis looked at him calmly, though a huge frown stained her face.

"I am not a bird, Bakura," she said slowly, in that mystique tone of hers. "I do not 'fly South' for the winter. And I came back because I wanted to plant a carjack up my brother's…" Isis' eyes flickered towards Mokuba. Despite the smaller one's protests, Ryou firmly clamped his hands over Mokuba's ears.

"Arshehole," Isis finished. Ryou was put off by the serious and lady-like way she said this. She even had her hands clasped in front of her, and she gazed at him expectantly. What was he supposed to say back? "Yes, Ishizu, of course, I agree with you in full! Malik _is _an—"

Mokuba flailed, ending Ryou's hypothetical thinking. "Hey! Leggo my Eggo!" he shouted. Ryou sweat dropped. So did Ishizu, who asked if Ryou was molesting him.

Ryou face faulted. ". An Eggo is a breakfast waffle, Isis," Ryou said, his eyes two blood-red slits.

"Speaking of waffles, I'm hungry," Mokuba complained. "I think we have Reeses Cups in the fridge."

"What have you been _teaching _this kid?"

"_That's a type of candy!" _

Ryou huffed and started pushing Mokuba towards the door. "Want to play Monopoly?" he asked Mokuba.

"Oh, now you're taking him away to play kinky sex games?" Ishizu demanded hotly. Ryou face-faulted.

"Where the heck do you get this bloody stuff!"

Blood?

"Arrrrg…!"

1-1-1

It was a bit after that. Mokuba opened the door to his room to see Isis belligerently strangling his pet flying squirrel with a vacuum cord.

"Furk!" he cried, charging forward. He immediately became immeshed in the really, really long cord. "Helllllllp!"

". Mokuba, I'm trying to vacuum here," Isis warmed him.

"What you're trying to do is kill my pet squirrel!" Mokuba countered. His feet were still all tangled up in the vacuuming cord. Furk chittered nervously.

Isis glared, contempt glowing in her eyes like a red-hot ember. "And for what," she spat, "possible reason would I do that?"

"You've done it before!"

"When?" Isis demanded incredulously.

"Remember Ducky?"

"Who's Ducky?" Ryou asked, entering the room. "Oh. Hello again, Ishizu. Are you ducky?"

Ishizu brandished the vacuum with one-handed. "Stop calling me a bird!" she decried.

"Don't you remember Ducky?" Mokuba queried again.

"No."

"Whatever…" Mokuba took Furk and exited the room, grumbling to himself. Ryou skipped behind him.

…Yes, he skipped.

1-1-1

"So why is Isis working in your house?" Ryou inquired in a bored tone. His elbow was propped up on the table, as he supported his head with his fist. He was wearily watching Mokuba shove pieces of chocolate down his mouth. "I thought she'd be working hard running the Domino museum or something, not cleaning your house."

Mokuba merely shrugged and shoved another gob of chocolate down his throat. "Well, you'd have to ask Seto about why, but all I know is that one day she just… showed up, and offered to clean our house." Mokuba swallowed. He reached for another piece of candy but Ryou beat him to it.

Ryou sweat dropped. "You are gonna be sooo hyper…"

"Buthyperisgood!"

Ryou sweat dropped again. "Right," he answered, not quite as chipper as when he had woken up. His morning walk to Kaiba's Winter Manse had been haunted by stories told to him by the other him while he walked. There was a particularly catchy but gruesome one, involving a horse's skull which had somehow been manipulated to castrate a man. His other self was quite the raconteur, actually, but that wasn't exactly a good thing all the time.

Ryou slumped, desperately wishing that he could flush his Millennium Ring down the toilet.

Just try it. I'll clog the toilet to bring about your unhygienic demise! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

"You're a nut."

A cashew?

"Pardon?"

It's fun being insane.

"I would imagine," Ryou answered to the thin air. Mokuba, always the chocoholic, had found some chocolate milk and was now slurping it loudly. However, other than that he was _still_ disinclined to interrupt the ramblings of his baby-sitter-cum-crush, seeing as Ryou usually ended up saying funny and embarrassing himself.

Would you really?

"Yep."

Innnteresting.

"Shut up."

NEVER! Besides, technically I can't talk.

"I have a headache now…"

Of course you do! Just think of how hard-to-handle your little molestee, Mokuba, is going to be once all of that sugar is pumped into his blood! Child molester.

"Do child molesters get free medical?" Ryou inquired wearily.

"O.O" went Mokuba.

"…" Ryou held up a stick that resembled one of those things in MIB. " FLASH! "

"…Hva?"

Ryou reached over and pushed Mokuba onto the floor. The poor boy hit his head.

Mokuba sat up. "Um… what just happened."

Ryou smiled weakly to himself. "Hey! Are you alright?"

"Uhm… I think so…"

_Ow! What the heck? _

"You fell," Ryou said.

"Oh. I see." Mokuba stood up. "Uhm… so, what do you want to do?"

"Uh… do you want to play more video games or something?" Ryou shifted uncomfortably.

"Sure…"

Who says my host can't be manipulative?

1-1-1

"So, you're taking time off of work?" Ryou asked Mokuba. The two boys were kind of just sitting Indian-style in Mokuba's room without doing anything. Ryou was scratching Furk's head.

"Uh-huh."

"How come?"

"School won't let me work," Mokuba said sadly. "It means I'm just not part of the quorum anymore." Mokuba sighed. "We had plenty of altercations with the Board of Education, but Seto said, and I quote, 'the SOBs wouldn't lower themselves no matter what commination we threw at them'. And we did throw a lot at them.

"I guess they just think that I'm some naif, and that there's no way that I should be helping my big brother to run a company right now, while I'm twelve. But I've been helping him for nearly two years, and I don't see what the big deal is. I get good grades."

_I'll bet you do, _Ryou thought. He nodded, listening to Mokuba although he didn't understand half the words he said. Altercations? What? Comminations? What? Condoms? What? I mean…

Mokuba clenched his fist. "They think that the number of philomaths in our school district is degenerating, so they're making an example out of me. But they're just picking on me. There's no reason for them to send me into hermitage from my work!" Mokuba clenched his fist.

"Then why did they do it, really?" Ryou asked. Mokuba seemed really angry, really grown up. "I mean, besides all of that BS they told you."  
"…" Mokuba blushed.

Ryou smiled at him and shoved his shoulder lightly. "Come on! …Tell me."

"…I'm tweeeeeeeeeeeelve," Mokuba wailed. Ryou blinked in surprise. Mokuba looked about ready to cry.

"I…"

"Ryou?"

"Yes?"

"I'm twelve."

_Don't I know it, _Ryou thought sadly.

"Nii-sama said that he… he's going to do something to boost my spirits… but I asked him about it yesterday, and he said that he already did, and it was up to me." Mokuba shook his head. "I don't know what that means. I thought he was going to take me somewhere, or buy me something."

"Maybe it's some kind of riddle," Ryou suggested. Mokuba shook his head, _no. _

"If nii-sama wants to tell me something, he's really straightforward about it." Mokuba sighed. "Unless he's making fun of me, and knowing how upset I am about having to take leave from work, I don't think he would. Really, I can't countenance not knowing what he's up to. It drives me up the wall, you know what I mean? Do your relatives do that to you too?"  
"…I live away from them, remember?" Ryou reminded him. "But, heh, my sister was always telling me what she was up to, so no, they didn't. She'd rub it in my face that she had more friends than me. But that was because of… the spirit." Ryou frowned.

Mokuba looked at him curiously. "What did the spirit do?" he asked.

"He turnedall of my friends into dolls," Ryou said quietly. "He turned them into dolls, and somehow I didn't even know it. I _used _them on my RPG board, I _commented _about them, and I didn't even _realize _that they were _them. _It makes me feel horribly dumb, even now, when they're all awake and all alright."

Ryou expected his other self to throw in his two cents à la taunting, but his mind was eerily silent. Ryou sighed.

"…Hug," Mokuba said. Ryou started at him.

"What did you just say?" he asked conf00zledly.

"Hug?" Mokuba repeatedly hopefully. "You look like you need one."

Ryou smiled weakly at Mokuba. "Thanks."

_I wish I could really hug him. Just… move… over… a bit…! _

_ Damn, he's getting up! _

_I wish he would really hug me, _Ryou thought on the flip side.

"Hey, actually, I think it's time for me to leave soon… so, I better get a head start…"

Ryou reached out tentatively with one hand. Mokuba blinked.

_What's he doing? _

Ryou ruffled Mokuba's hair. Mokie scowled.

"Ja mata ne," Ryou said softly. He turned and left.

Mokuba groaned loudly in frustration! Exclamation point! EXCLAMATION POINT(s)!

_ DAMN IT! How is it possible for Ryou to like me, or for me to even think about making Ryou like me, if he treats me like such a kid! I mean, hair ruffling! Really, now! _

"Maybe I'll just go outside and tell him that I don't want him treating me like a kid," Mokuba murmured.

_…Or that I like him. _

_ …Oh, YEAH, like I'm REALLY gonna tell him that. He'll hate me. …Won't he? _

Mokuba opened the door. It slid open with that obnoxious creaking noise that the doors in Resident Evil games have championed. He stepped outside.

1-1-1

Ryou stared intently at the moon. The short winter day had seemingly ended extra early, and the moon was already halfway in the sky. From his vantage point, the moon had seemingly tucked itself in-between two branches of the charred tree, like a nickel held between two fingers of a giddy child. The tree was the same one Mokuba had said had been struck by lightning, which was believable upon looking at the tree's moribund appearance. At any rate, the moon was a glorious silver discus, and the sight was truly beautiful.

"Bakurasan?"

1-1-1

Mokuba blushed. Ryou looked so cute there. His body was illuminated by the moonlight, his eyes wide like a deer caught in a pair of headlights, a pink blush lushly spread over his features.

"Yeah?" his crush called softly. Mokuba averted his gaze to the snow, where his blush was less likely to be noticed. The snow flurries never cared if you blushed, they had their own affairs.

"Uhm, how come you're still here?"

_And, for another matter, how come when I'm around you, everything that pops out of my mouth sounds stupid? Is that what love is supposed to be like? I never even feel this dumb around nii-sama… And hoo boy, does he have his ways of making a person feel retarded, not to mention unfit to live! Geez… "Mokuba, I said to cut the GREEN WIRE! You cut the BLACK one! What is WRONG with you!" Gomen, nii-sama… Geez… _

_ Wait, why did I even come OUT here? _

Ryou shifted uncomfortably on the ledge. "I wasn't ready to leave yet," he said nebulously. "I… can't see the moon from Malik's apartment. The moon would be behind the complex tonight, and he only has windows that peek out in front of it, I mean the complex… of the apartment."

"Oh." Mokuba took a few shuffling steps forward. A gentle wind blew in from the west—what were those called again? Oh, zephyrs—and played a soothing susurration in his ears. The mingling susurrus sounded almost like a lullabye, and they created a potion that oozed in-between the gaps of their silence.

Ryou was staring at the moon again. "The moon is quite lovely this time of night, isn't it?"

Mokuba nodded and, summoning up his courage, went and sat down over to Ryou. His heart fluttered nervously as he took in the pulchritude of the moon. But that was just that: pulchritude, with no _inner _beauty to speak of. Not like Ryou.

**_End of chapter? _**

**_…Nah, I'll give you just one more little scene. _**

1-1-1

Later that night! Ryou was watching Seinfeld on television.

"Your hair is soft," Malik murmured soporifically.

" Like a koala bear!" Ryou cheered.

Malik shook his head gently. "Like a pillow… Zzz…"

Ryou looked surprised. "Aw, heck no!" Too late. Malik was already sawing logs—and quite noisily!

Ryou slumped. "Aw crap." Inwardly, Ryou could hear mou hitori no kare's flittering, raucous laughter, like a gong being struck inside the pit of his stomach.

It's too bad that little Mokuba isn't here to drive him away! mou hitori no Ryou leered.

Ryou groaned and slouched some more.


End file.
